(Mostly) Humorous Quotes

Friday, May 18, 2012

Fighting and Screwing

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.--George Carlin Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Time to Study?

A college football player who rarely played won an award for having the best academic record on the team. He said this in his acceptance speech: I'd like to thank my parents, my teachers and I'd especially like to thank the coach for giving me so much time to study during the games. Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

One Drink

It only takes one drink to get me drunk. The problem is I can never remember whether it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.--George Burns Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 5, 2005

Fun?

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time, I don't have any fun at all.--Woody Allen Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, November 3, 2005

Youth?

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.--George Bernard Shaw Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Getting Even

It's hard to get ahead when you spend all your time getting even.-- Lou Holtz Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Perpetual Motion

I'm still working on my perpetual motion machine. I can't seem to stop. Scott Adams Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Bad Combination

Under no circumstances should you take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Dave Barry Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Dental Floss

I wrote a song about dental floss, but did anyone's teeth get cleaner? --Frank Zappa Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, September 9, 2005

Sex, Drugs and Insanity

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs and insanity for everyone but they've always worked for me. Hunter S. Thompson Sign in to see full entry.

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