Tuesday, August 8, 2006
Sometimes I do things
The other day I thought I'd found a way of making an easy second income. To cut a long story short, it turns out I hadn't found a way, and now what the frigging hell am I supposed to do with all this jelly viagra stuff? I bought it thinking I could actually be arsed to sell the stuff to puny men...
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Saturday, July 22, 2006
Hezbollah Will Use Weapon of Mass Destruction
Recently motivated terrorist group, Hezbollah, have declared today that they posses a weapon of mass destruction and are planning on using it against the Israelis. Chief executive of Hezbollah, Ahmed Shimmy-Shaky McArthur, made the following statement moments after an Israeil airstrike blew up his...
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Tuesday, May 9, 2006
The Most Unforgivable Thing America Has Ever Done
I usually prefer to nurse a forgiving attitude towards those people who do bad things. Most of the time a positive consequence can be found from any negative action, despite how overwhelmingly bad that action may seem. On the rare occasion a negative action leaves no trace of a positive lead, I...
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Monday, May 8, 2006
What Really Brought the Twin Towers Down?
It was easy to get caught up in the excitement of two real life planes crashing into two real life buildings. It was like watching a movie, only better because it didn't cost anything to rent. It was the only news for two weeks with the same footage of a "Boeing" crashing into the tower being played...
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Friday, May 5, 2006
Rough Women on TV I've Found Attractive
I used to have a crush on a girl called Darlene. Darlene was Roseanne's youngest daughter. You know Roseanne - fat cow, big mouth - married to Dan. Yeah, I used to wish I could sleep in the same bed as Darlene so I could feel warm with her. Looking back now, I realise that what I really had was a...
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Saturday, February 11, 2006
Please Just Bomb Iran Now...
I really wish they would save us all the hype and bullshit and just install democratic values in Iran now (i.e. bomb the shit out of them). Once upon a time a man called Saddam Hussein insisted on trading oil in Euros. A couple of years later the Master and his dog decided it was time Iraq needed a...
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Friday, December 16, 2005
HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY FOR PUSSY?
I’m fed up with having to pay ridiculous rates for pussy, especially ginger ones. Yesterday the girlfriend called me at work… “Chris, the cat’s been run over” “Is it dead?” “No…” “How much then?” “Two hundred pounds” “ WHAT!? Are you sure it’s not dead?” “No…” Following that dramatic bit of dialogue...
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Thursday, December 15, 2005
WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO PUT THE JEWS?
What makes the president of Iran think Europe has the space to give the Jews land? We’re already overcrowded with gigantic eyesores such as the Eiffel Tower, Belgium, and American tourists. We couldn’t possibly squeeze the Jews in anywhere. If Ahmadinejad wasn’t such a fool, he might have offered...
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Thursday, December 8, 2005
Ariala’s Penis was a Lot Thicker than I’d Expected
It certainly brought a tear to my eye, as well as several weeks off work with a severely lacerated anal passage. I told her I wanted to be the daddy but I couldn’t overpower her. Now I have to shit in a plastic bag stuck to my stomach. It doesn’t get me very far with real women. Mind you, I could...
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Friday, November 25, 2005
A Legend Dies...Some Thoughts on Mr. Miyagi (1932-2005)
I used to wish he was my grand father. Not now though because he's dead. It seems everyone is dying these days. First Miyagi and then George "Yellow" Best the following day. I wonder who's going to die next. Maybe we could make a game out of it...
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