Monday, May 21, 2007USELESS BUT INTERESTING TID BITS....So you think that Gasoline is Expensive??? All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are.... You will be really shocked by the last one!!!! (At least, I was...) Compared with Gasoline...... Think a gallon of gas is expensive? This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective. Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29... $10.32 per gallon Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19..........$9.52 per gallon Gatorade 20 oz $1.59.... $10.17 per gallon Ocean Spray... Sign in to see full entry.Thursday, May 17, 2007THREE BOYS AND A RED MARBLERED MARBLES I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily rising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me. "Hello Barry, how are you today?"... Sign in to see full entry.Wednesday, May 16, 20073 MEN AND A RIVERThe River: Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please give me the strength to cross the river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong... Sign in to see full entry.Monday, May 14, 2007Proof it before sending it to Classified.REAL NEWSPAPER ADS FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES... Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound. FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat... Been out a while. Better be a reward. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby. GEORGIA PEACHES California grown - 89 cents lb. JOINING NUDIST COLONY!... Sign in to see full entry.Thursday, May 10, 2007WE ALL WERE BORN OF A MOM-THE ONE COMMONALITY OF US ALL!This is to all of you who may or may not have children but work with them, care for them, nurture them and work for their causes such a protection from abuse, preditors, and hunger. This is what it is like on the homefront. God bless you all! j Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations. Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had... Sign in to see full entry.Wednesday, May 9, 2007Looking for a Marriage Band Aid- Ask Red SkeltonRED SKELETON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. 3. I take my wife everywhere..... but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold... Sign in to see full entry.Tuesday, May 8, 2007This here's the South are Y'all lost or just passin' thru?Southern women appreciate their natural assets: Clean skin. A winning smile. That unforgettable Southern drawl. Southern women know their manners: "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, sir." "Why, no, Billy!" Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions: "Y'all come back!" "Well, bless your heart." "Drop by when you can." "How's your Momma?" Southern women know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity Southern women know their vacation spots: The beach The rivuh The crick Southern women... Sign in to see full entry.And They Ask Why I Like Retirement !Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount. Question: Among retirees what... Sign in to see full entry.Monday, May 7, 2007My Retarded GrandparentsRETARDED GRANDPARENTS (This was actually offered by a teacher) After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know... Sign in to see full entry.YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER You can only Imagine!THE YEAR 1907 This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The year is 1907. One hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some of the U.S. Statistics for the Year 1907: ************************************ The average life expectancy in the U.S. Was 47 years old. Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. Had a bathtub. Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver! to New York City Cost eleven dollars. There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S.,... Sign in to see full entry.Saturday, May 5, 2007Believe or not He is still working5 Reasons Why God Uses Problems The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you—depending on how you respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring. Here are five ways God wants to use the problems in your life: God Uses Problems To DIRECT U Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems... Sign in to see full entry.Thursday, May 3, 2007SOME TIPS ON A SORT OF SURVIVAL> > > > 1. Aspire to be Barbie - she has everything. > > 2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour. > > 3. Take life with a pinch of salt... a wedge of lime, and a shot > of tequila. > > 4. Some call it cocktail hour - For me it is a support group. > > 5. Go on the 30 day beer diet. I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days. > > 6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and > deal with it. > > 7. My greatest fear is that there is no PMS and this is just my > personality. >... Sign in to see full entry.Wednesday, May 2, 2007WHAT ERA MADE YOU-YOU?WHAT MADE ME, ME? Long ago and far away, In a land that time forgot, Before the days of Dylan, Or the dawn of Camelot. There lived a race of innocents, And they were you and me, Long ago and far away In the Land That Made Me, Me. Oh, there was truth and goodness In that land where we were born, Where navels were for oranges, And Peyton Place was porn. For Ike was in the White House, And Hoss was on TV, And God was in His heaven In the Land That Made Me, Me. We learned to gut a muffler, We washed... Sign in to see full entry.Monday, April 30, 2007The ' L I T T L E ' T hi ngs. As you might know, the head of a company survived 9/11 because his son started kindergarten. Another fellow was alive because it was His turn to bring donuts. One woman was late because her Alarm clock didn't go off in time. One was late be cause of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike Because of an auto accident. One of them Missed his bus. One spilled food on her clothes and had to take Time to change. One's Car wouldn't start. One went back to Answer the telephone. One... Sign in to see full entry.Sunday, April 29, 2007THE FARMER'S WISDOMAn Old Farmer's Advice: * Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. * Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance. * Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. * A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. * Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled. * Meanness don't jes' happen overnight. * Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads. * Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. * It don't take a very big person... Sign in to see full entry. |