Evolutionary Theory of Farts

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Truth About 2012 Armageddon

This has happened before. My Fart Research Project has unearthed much evidence that catastrophes such as those expected in 2012 are part of an ongoing fart cycle. the Mayan scientists were the first to discover that farts are cyclic in nature and that at certain times in these fart cycles, disaster... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Hard vs Soft Farts

After a bit more research, I discovered that there were hard and soft farts, all purely gaseous, yet different in chemical make-up. I'll not go into the complex chemistry here, though you may want to think about it and derive the formulae. Hard farts are more readily fossilized, thus the name, hard... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Tinkle-Butt

During the ice age Early Man had it difficult in the farting arena. Farts contain moisture and sometimes froze on their way out if the person was not near the camp fire or really well covered by fur around the butt-hole area of his body. This would often change a hunter's SBD into a noisy SBD as the... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Gassy New Year Celebrations

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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Fart Compatibility

Compatibility of fart gases has, by the data I have collected and assimilated, been an important factor in natural selection. I call it my natural gas theory of evolution. Men and women will just not sleep with someone whose farts they cannot stand. If forced to do so, the amor is deflated by the... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Hiatus in Research

There was a large, ghastly explosion in my fart research lab last night. I forgot about the candles as I was examining a pristine fart I had collected in the far outer reaches of inner Mongolia, a fart that dated to the early 2000's BCE. A fart, I might add, that no longer exists as a result of... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Skidders . . .

Not to gross any of you out, but this is, after all, a lab topic, I respond to the question of how are fossils of gaseous farts formed. The one word answer is, "Skidders." We all know what skidders are, and if we are the ones doing laundry, we dread them. Well that is what skidders are. Need I get... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Social Communicative Stinks of the Past

More in-depth research is required, but I do believe I have found evidence of farts being used to communicate in and between social circles in the distant past. Prior to the full development of language in humans, farts were the primary means of what might be called "back-talk." It was more or less... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Fart Epidemics or Betcha Can't Smell Just One . . . .

A most interesting Romanian study, based on a much earlier study from Transylvania College in Kentucky, indicates that farts may be catching, you may catch farts from others around you. This study is most important because a fart epidemic could well wipe out a family, or even a town. Death by... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Breaking Wind Research

I have constructed a computer program that models fart situations and am beginning a line of research that will re-create the first fart, which contrary to popular belief was not the Big Bang of stellar antiquity. Farts, to be farts, must emanate from living creatures, although some of the dead can... Sign in to see full entry.

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