Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, October 22, 2016

robbing a bank

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an interesting, amusing article titles "How Not to Rob a... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

art buyer

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

duh! did they really say that?

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them." - George Bush, former U.S. President "It is white." - George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

diner

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, October 17, 2016

words!

1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 2. The farm was used to produce produce. 3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7. Since there... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

pray for me

Larry goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After awhile the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front at the altar. Larry gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Larry, what do you want me to pray about for you?" Larry replies:... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, October 14, 2016

famous quotes

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure" -- Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

wise?

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me. 4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, October 10, 2016

how much?

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, October 7, 2016

advice

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.... Sign in to see full entry.