Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, March 2, 2017

f word

These are the only ten times in history the "F" word has been acceptable for use... 10. "What the @#$% was that?" -Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -Custer, 1877 8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -Einstein, 1938 7. "It does so @#$%ing look like... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

looking for mr right

While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a living. He replied, “I’m a... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

getting naked

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 27, 2017

would you?

A gorgeous young woman gets into a taxi one day. On the way, the cabby asks her, "Hey baby, would you screw me for 25 dollars?" Insulted, the woman asks, "What kind of a girl do you think I am??" "Well," the cabby says, "If I was a multi-millionaire, and paid you a million dollars, and had the body... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

wedding dance

I was at a friends wedding. Her father asked me to dance with him. He was pretty drunk, but I figured what the hell. So we're dancing and I asked, "So, are you enjoying yourself Richard?" He said, "I prefer Dick." I said, "Well so do I, but what does that have to do with anything?" Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

wrong time!

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented... Sign in to see full entry.

magic potion

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night? It's going to be a hell of a party." The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 24, 2017

what/

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained to... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad... Sign in to see full entry.

why worry?

In life there are two things to worry about: either you are well or you are sick. If you are well then there is nothing to worry about, but if you are sick there are only two things to worry about: either you get well or you die. If you get well then there is nothing to worry about. But if you die... Sign in to see full entry.