Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Sunday, March 5, 2017

weighing in

A lady was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when she happened to notice a weight machine. She fumbled through her purse for a dime and went over to the machine and inserted the coin. Out came a card that said "You weigh 126 pounds. and in 30 seconds you will pass gas". Sure enough,... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

black suit

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she starts crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment. Through her tears she explains... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, March 3, 2017

password

Back in the early 80's Chevy Chase was one of the stars on Password. Toward the end of the game a woman was ahead in points so she and Chevy were paired togetherfor the final part. He said the key word and she responded. Like this... he said calf, she said cow. Then it was kid, and she said goat.... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

yarn

My grandmother couldn't stand my father's second wife (the one from my high school). She isn't the brightest bulb in the pack and believes if you aren't in the room then you are fair game to make fun of. And yes Kabu she is a blonde! My grandmother showed her a ball of yarn. She asked her to go to... Sign in to see full entry.

f word

These are the only ten times in history the "F" word has been acceptable for use... 10. "What the @#$% was that?" -Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -Custer, 1877 8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -Einstein, 1938 7. "It does so @#$%ing look like... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

looking for mr right

While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a living. He replied, “I’m a... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

getting naked

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 27, 2017

would you?

A gorgeous young woman gets into a taxi one day. On the way, the cabby asks her, "Hey baby, would you screw me for 25 dollars?" Insulted, the woman asks, "What kind of a girl do you think I am??" "Well," the cabby says, "If I was a multi-millionaire, and paid you a million dollars, and had the body... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

wedding dance

I was at a friends wedding. Her father asked me to dance with him. He was pretty drunk, but I figured what the hell. So we're dancing and I asked, "So, are you enjoying yourself Richard?" He said, "I prefer Dick." I said, "Well so do I, but what does that have to do with anything?" Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

wrong time!

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented... Sign in to see full entry.