Oh no you didn't!

Friday, November 28, 2014

excelling

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men. The ship steamed out of the channel and soon the port was far behind. The... Sign in to see full entry.

flat tire

Cal was out driving in the country, seeing how his new car handled the curvy roads at high speeds. As he rounded a corner, one of his tires blew. When he got out of the car to change the tire, he noticed that he had stopped in front of the state mental asylum. There was also a man sitting on the... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

speeding woman

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he says, "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!" Sign in to see full entry.

some robbers make it so easy

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted, behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

bears

The National Game warden put out a warning to all hikers in his area. Warning that they should wear small bells on their boots so not to startle the bears. To distinguish the grizzly bear the notice read-- small bears droppings are small with nut and berries in it. Grizzly bear droppings are much... Sign in to see full entry.

dogs and cats

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? 2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. 3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! 4.... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

captured by cannibals

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second... Sign in to see full entry.

trophy wife

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 24, 2014

one upmouseship

Three mice are sitting around drinking and boasting about their strengths. The first mouse says "Mouse traps, Ha! I do pushups with the bar". The second mouse pulls a pill from his pocket, swallows it, and says with a grin "D-Con Rat Poison". The third mouse finishes his drink, slams his glass on... Sign in to see full entry.

well that's just ducky

A duck walked into a bakery one day and asked for a pork chop. The baker said, "We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here." So the duck left. The following day the duck went back and asked again. This time the Baker said, "No, if you come here again I will nail your feet to the floor." The... Sign in to see full entry.

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