Oh no you didn't!

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself "She'll never go for me... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 8, 2016

one wish

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 7, 2016

fixin the outhouse

Ma was in the kitchen fiddlin around when she hollars out... "Pa you need to fix the outhouse!" Pa replies, "there ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Yes there is now git out there and fix it." So... Pa mosies out to the outhouse, look's around and yell's back, " there ain't... Sign in to see full entry.

3 kicks

This might be a repeat...... A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.The... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 5, 2016

for my graysome

"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - -Dave Platt "Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." --Bruce Graham "There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." --Unknown "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats... Sign in to see full entry.

biker's dog

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?" A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool,... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

paying wages

A man owned a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Work Force Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's... Sign in to see full entry.

getting married

A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn't, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

employee handbook

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so... Sign in to see full entry.

fired!

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following... Sign in to see full entry.

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