Oh no you didn't!

Sunday, December 4, 2016

practicing

A neighbor was watching a little boy playing with a ball and bat in his backyard. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world" the boy exclaimed as he threw the ball into the air. He swung with all his might but missed the ball and fell down himself. "Strike One" he says as he gets up. He throws it up... Sign in to see full entry.

new defs part 2

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

word inventions

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 2, 2016

life...gotta love it!

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me! I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. Beauty is in the eye of the... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

what do you think?

I had amnesia once - or twice. Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle. What is a "free" gift? Aren't all... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

life's philosophies from web

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Remedies

Now I personally don't recommend using any of these except #7. 1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! 2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

george carlin philosphy

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Law of sex

1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. (I don't agree with this one.) 2.Nothing improves with age. 3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again. 4.Sex has no calories.... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, November 25, 2016

asking for golf tips

Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips. After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft". So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft" Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole... Sign in to see full entry.

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