Oh no you didn't!

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

spoilage

Finally, a way to know what to pitch and what to save! THE GAG TEST Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night). EGGS When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime. DAIRY PRODUCTS Milk is... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 26, 2016

tombstone humor

Born 1903-Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. ****************************** In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to go. ****************************** In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann,... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Larry's Proverbs

1. A day without sunshine is like night. 2.. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 7.... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, September 23, 2016

burglary in progress

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

gambling

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER." I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?" Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

proverbs today

a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. c.. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. d.. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. e.. A closed mouth... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

bubba

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?" Tammie give it to me" Bubba replied. "She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a New truck?"... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

outhouse!

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, September 9, 2016

texan oversea

A Texan walks in to a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. Ill give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back. The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texans offer. One... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

puns

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off. How did I escape Iraq? Iran. I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction. Sign in to see full entry.

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