Sunday, March 1, 2015
joke from facebook
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. S ir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He did what he needed to, and as he...
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Saturday, February 28, 2015
which do you prefer
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the...
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divorce court
An elderly couple stood before the family court judge after a long divorce trial. The judge asked why they wanted a divorce after having been married for nearly 70 years. They answered:" We wanted to wait, till after the kids had died".
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Friday, February 27, 2015
how
How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs
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out with the boys
A man comes home from a night of drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife snaps at him, “what’s the big idea coming home half drunk?” The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.”
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Thursday, February 26, 2015
improving the memory
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other,” Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great." "That's great!...
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how's your hearing?
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your...
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Wednesday, February 25, 2015
tidbits
1. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." 2. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospital dying of nothing. 3. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. 4....
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sir...
A man gets pulled over by the police for speeding. The cop walks up to the car and says to the driver, “Sir, did you know that you were going 60 miles an hour?" The driver says, "Officer, there is no way I could have been going 60 miles an hour!" The cop says, “Really! Why is that? The driver...
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Tuesday, February 24, 2015
smart woman
This old man was feared by all his neighbors because they believe he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs and strange sounds at all hours. Every time he had a confrontation with his wife, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night along with the same...
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