Alien Insomniac on Life after WWIII

Sunday, July 15, 2007

To All "Plus Size" Guys on the Trail

Please put on a shirt. No one wants to look at your jiggly, pendulous, man-boobs. Trust me, the ladies out jogging are not impressed. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by AlienInsomniac at 6:34 PM Comments (1) (permalink)

Saturday, July 14, 2007

When Dating Becomes a Distraction

I just went through and wiped out all but two of my contacts on eHarmony. I had indicated in my profile settings that I was willing to relocate to find a “mate.” Maybe I would be some day. But right now I have too much going on to consider anything in another state. There ought to be enough women... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by AlienInsomniac at 6:03 PM Comments (0) (permalink)

Friday, July 13, 2007

Narcissa and the Phone

She’s so self-absorbed that no matter who picks up the phone she immediately thinks you’re currently working on her job and starts talking to you like you necessarily know what the hell she’s calling about. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by AlienInsomniac at 1:51 PM Comments (1) (permalink)

Note to chef at Asian buffet restaurant

Please, before you drop the gargantuan cube composed of a single 9000mile long noodle into the hot water, take it outside and kick it around a few times. Hit it with a sledge hammer. Shoot it with a shotgun. Haul it up on the roof and push it off. Make smaller chunks so we can have smaller portions... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by AlienInsomniac at 1:51 PM Comments (0) (permalink)

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Al-Soandso and another camcorder threat

I am sick to death of these Muslim bishops videotaping their damn threats. Come over here and face me like a man with some honor or GO TO HELL! Sign in to see full entry.

posted by AlienInsomniac at 9:35 PM Comments (1) (permalink)

Monday, July 9, 2007

Bleh...pfugh...yuck...

I just tried one of the Bertie Botts "Soap" flavored jellybeans. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by AlienInsomniac at 4:52 PM Comments (3) (permalink)

Sunday, July 8, 2007

An example of things that were funny when I was 11 but aren't funny anymore

Swans Originally uploaded by ShutterCat7. I noticed these swans on the trail. This was the first time I have seen these birds on dry land. The water is a bit rough due to the recent flooding so they may have come on land to feed. I was trying to take this picture and a boy on a bike rode between us... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by AlienInsomniac at 11:26 AM Comments (2) (permalink)

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Sci-Fi Movie Survival Guide

When you have been exposed to the sinister energy source and are now imbued with unlimited power, do not say, "I am a God." Real Gods, AKA screenwriters, will see to it that you do not make it to the credits. When fighting anything that lays eggs: after you have slain the beast and are gathered on... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by AlienInsomniac at 2:01 AM Comments (2) (permalink)

Gameshow Phone System

We have three phones on the output desk and when they ring we're jumping to be the first to pick up. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by AlienInsomniac at 1:18 AM Comments (0) (permalink)

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Ambition

We now present to you, I Can Has Eagle. Who will eat whom? Sign in to see full entry.

posted by AlienInsomniac at 12:33 PM Comments (1) (permalink)