Guy's blog about life with pets in northern mich.

It’s a bright sunny Saturday morning. I have plans to accomplish a great deal of gardening drudgework today. One half will contain tomato plants, peppers and onions and the other half is for strawberry plants. Now I have figure which half will be which. There is some kind of plant virus that lives in the soil that is slow death to tomato plants. It might be tobacco mosaic, I don’t know, but I guess that the virus dictates that tomatoes will go on the north side of the garden and the strawberries... Sign in to see full entry.

Marilyn tells me that I have a lot of un educating to do with these kids, especially D.J. It seems that some people were inquiring into the possibility that D.J. may have a speech impediment because he was overheard talking about how a calipidder transforms into a flutterby after climbing out of his cristalglass. I (wearing my most innocent face) asked why she was blaming me for a few mispronunciations by a kiddygardener. She told me that is exactly what she was talking about! “Are you going to... Sign in to see full entry.

In response to his question, "Why will women be harder on Mrs. Clinton than the male candidates?" Jack, Every woman knows exactly what every other woman is thinking at all times! They are telepathically linked with each other. That's why if several women were locked in a room together, homicide would occur. Guy Standish, Mi. Sign in to see full entry.

After many attempts to educate America, nay the world, via the caffertyfile@cnn.com, and failing, I figured that the "Butch Administration" had gotten to you. I appologize, Jack! You even saved my small contribution to national intelligence, for last and even chuckled at it. I don't want to sound like Sally Field but, "You LIKE me! You really like me! I'd like to thank the Academy............Sorry." I retract all the bad things I said about you, your ancestory, your intelligence, your... Sign in to see full entry.

A couple was sitting across from each other at the breakfast table. Suddenly, the wife looked at her husband and asked, “If I die young, will you remarry?” “Of course I would! And I’d expect you to remarry too, if I died young,” he answered. “Our children deserve to be raised in a two parent home environment.” She couldn’t argue with that. Then her expression changed and she asked, “This new wife of yours, would she live here in this house?” “You know that we just paid it off, re-modeled,... Sign in to see full entry.

A couple were just sliding between the sheets when the fellow asked her, "What if your husband comes home early?" "Don't worry about him, he's so stupid that he wouldn't even realize what is goin' on!" she said. Well, it probably won't surprise you to hear that good ol' Hubby walked into the bedroom at the worst possible time, and wasn't at all confused about what was happening! Everyone was pretty shocked but the husband recovered first and grabbed his gun from the night stand, putting the fear... Sign in to see full entry.

I’ve been having a recurring dream, in which my ex-wife, Martha Stewart and Nancy Grace are all crossing an intersection, just as my out-of control truck (stuck accelerator) leaps the built up approach to the RR crossing and, as I look down at the panic-paralyzed trio, the knowledge that they are all about to become an ugly smear on the pavement, shows on each face……PANT! PANT!………..That’s when I wake up! I awake in another, in which I’m stranded on a broken down escalator with Jane Pauly (?!)... Sign in to see full entry.

What sets our tastes and preferences? I just told Whacky that I’m set in my ways and I guess that I am. I’m not tempted to taste coffee w/ orange juice. I’ve been told that beer and tomato juice are quite good mixed together and have never tried that either. I like both, just separately if you please. The only mixed drink that I ever have is an occasional Bloody Mary, (Vodka not Gin!) When I get in a mood for one it hits just the right spot. The taste is just perfect! Of course I doctor it up... Sign in to see full entry.

Three farm boys took a truckful of cattle to the stockyards and took in a movie while in the big city. Returning to the truck after the movie they tried a shortcut through an alley. It ended in a brick wall and they had to turn back the way they had come. Part way back to the street a very thin, dirty and unhealthy looking man stepped from the shadows and blocked their passage. He announced that he was a heroin addict with AIDS and the three would be allowed to pass after they handed over all... Sign in to see full entry.

David, I can only assume that as you disembarked at work from your car, a mighty gust of wind slammed your door on all ten of your fingers, breaking them all and making it impossible to type. I know that one could try typing with one’s tongue but seeing the letters from a couple inches away from one’s typing appendage would take long hours of practice. I would never ask you to do this and never expect you to volunteer to try. You probably bit off part of your tongue when your fingers got... Sign in to see full entry.