Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Scientific evidence of a new dimension

Physicists are willing to bet their pocket protectors on the existence of another dimension besides the ones we are all familiar with. Only, they don’t know what it looks like or how to describe it. Sure, they can work it out with a pencil but what good does that do for those of us unfamiliar with quarks and such? Proof of this dimension is right in front of any cat owner. Felines have been known to suddenly stop and look at a perfectly blank wall as if something is really there. I’m here to... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 12:19 AM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Joy of Snow Removal

I only say that because I can sit in the nice warm cab of my truck as I plow our driveway, paths and flowerbeds. Oops, did I say flower beds? One of the hazards of operating a snow plow is inadvertently plowing something that can be ruined by plowing. Of course many things, such as retaining walls remind one they don’t want to be plowed when the truck snaps to a stop and one has to wipe snot off from the inside of the windshield. Geraniums, on the other hand don’t offer much resistance at all.... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:32 AM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Its all good

Really? Is it ever all good? I mean, all is a lot to be good, especially, all at once. I think the last time that happened what just before Eve chomped into that apple. A is for apple and the personality of that there snake. When we say “its all good” we really mean just a little tiny miniscule portion of life that we are dealing with at that moment. The freshly washed car sits gleaming on the driveway. Its all good but not for long, since birds, as they do, sense clean cars and it soon will be... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 3:02 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, January 6, 2012

The invention of nudity

Lets travel back in time to our erstwhile cavemen, Og and Zog for another glimpse at the foundation of history. Witness the moment when an invention, or in this case, a social norm was born. It is a cold morning in the Acme Wheel Company Incorporated, Limited production plant, er cave. Og: Zog, plenty busy with wheel business, demand outstrip supply. Zog: Heh, heh, you say strip! Og: Hmmm, sometimes me think you need help, which brings me to today’s agenda for strategy meeting. Zog: Hey, you... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:38 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Truth in advertising

An adventure I just might want to miss! An ad for the (ok, better disguise this, these folks are probably lawyered up) lets call it the Athabaska Marine Hiway promises, “An adventure you won’t want to forget!” or something like that. Lets think about this for a moment, aren’t adventures, by definition, something one might not want to have while floating amidst icebergs? Lets go to Webster’s where we find definition (1) a daring, hazardous undertaking. Ok, hazards, daring and undertaking are not... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 12:43 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

#Ginormous Science guy thing

Scientists who weren’t invited to any New Year’s Eve parties spent the night researching the Twitter phenomenon. Their groundbreaking discovery was mostly ignored by people with “restless thumb syndrome” but it was a hit in chatrooms frequented by theoretical physicists. Sorry about Schrödinger’s cat by the way. Or maybe I’m not. Anyhoo, these diligent nerds have discovered that there is no discernable difference between the Tweetverse and the Twitverse! Ha, ha, ha, another low brow high-tech... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 12:02 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2012 So Far

Thirty minutes and twenty-eight seconds into twenty twelve and so far, not much different. I’m not any richer. Politicians still don’t make sense, not that I think they ever will. The lottery is still a long shot that fails to lure me in for any reasonable length of time. For some reason I think the month of my birthday is my lucky month and that’s when I play a few tickets. My lucky month may be May, but the lottery commission apparently doesn’t think so. But if you think the lotto is bad, just... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 1:07 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year’s restitutions

Paybacks for the resolutions from last year that were broken before the hangover wore off. Resolutions like, I’m not going to watch as much sports on TV. Hey, what else is there to do New Year’s Day? Besides, gotta get in practice, the Super Bowl will be coming soon. Oohh, all those new commercials! Resolutions like, I’m not going to drink so much. Tipping a few cold ones just goes along with watching sports on TV, so forget that one. Resolutions like, I’m going to get serious about that diet... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 11:31 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Parts of speech

If an adverb is a word that describes a verb, why isn't the word that describes a noun an adnoun? I abjectly object to adjective. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:22 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, December 24, 2011

The How Many Days of Christmas: Part twelve

I knew something was up from the pounding that began even before the pounding on the door started. My true love had sent me twelve drummers drumming. They were all rock and roll, jazz and blues drummers at that, not a parumpa pum pum to be heard on any of their drums. With their arrival, an impromptu orchestra was formed and suddenly, this party got started. We got into it. We got stoopid. It wasn’t long before the Police arrived and carted everyone off on charges of disturbing the peace but not... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 12:59 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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