Naut's Funnies...

By Nautikos - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, October 11, 2012

A young redhead goes into the doctor's office...

and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in pain. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into...

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries. The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes." Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Alert to Nature Lovers

Be aware - be safe - distribute this to all the hikers and nature lovers you know: In light of the rising frequency of human and grizzly bear conflicts, the Alberta Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Why was Raggedy Ann kicked out of the toy box?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, saying, "Lie to me!" Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

As he was walking along,

a man noticed a really old lady sitting on her front step, smiling cheerfully. So he walked up to her and said, “I couldn't help noticing how happy you look! What’s your secret?" "I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a half... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Dark In Here

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company. Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes it is." Boy: "I have a baseball."... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Noah's Ark... (as it would happen today!)

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark. " And in a... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Amy, a blonde city girl,

marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cattle, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here,... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

“You scoundrel, you slept with my wife!”

“I slept with your wife? Let me assure you, old boy, we didn’t sleep a wink!” Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist (true story):

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.... Sign in to see full entry.

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