Bad Jokes And Sage Advice From The E-Mail Archives

By Dark_Heart - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

When You Are Feeling Stupid, Read These

WHEN YOU'RE FEELING STUPID, READ THESE (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:03 AM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Letter

This will warm your heart. Just when you have lost faith in human kindness. Someone who teaches at a middle school in Safety Harbor Florida, forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:18 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, September 24, 2007

United Way Donations

A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity.... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:26 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, September 23, 2007

It's Getting Ugly.... Warning from Pakistan

Borrowed from a like mind... thank you TK! This morning, from a cave in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar warned the United States and Canada that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's and Canada's supply of convenience store... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 10:51 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Understanding Women

A man sailing taking a voyage around the world, hits a hidden reef and sinks his boat. He is left stranded on a deserted island. As walks contemplating what to do, he comes up on a old bottle. He picks it and as he starts to clean it, a old ragged looking genie pops out. He tells the genie, "Your a... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 10:21 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

The Swearing Parrot

Once there was a parrot and he swore like a sailor. He belonged to a goody-goody little old man. The old man said, "Parrot, if you don't stop swearing, I will put you in a box!" The parrot kept on swearing. So the little old man put him in a box. The parrot kicked the sides and scratched at the box... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 10:19 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, September 21, 2007

Ah honesty....

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 12:45 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Some Laws I Just Don't Get....

DID YOU KNOW IN California... That San Francisco has an ordinance banning picking up used confetti to throw again. In Blythe, a city ordinance declares that a person must own at least two cows before he is permitted to wear cowboy boots in public. And Brawley passed a resolution forbidding snow... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 12:44 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A Cowboy in a Gay Bar

I have to admit this one is pretty bad, but I had to share... Thank Aunt Sue! A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says to himself, I really want a drink." When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 10:07 AM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Boys and Girls...

Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same. 1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose. 2. You dress... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 1:09 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

About this Blog

I have a huge family and get a lot of e-mail jokes. Some of them are too good to delete without sharing them first. And although I can't take the credit for authoring the silly things, they sure made me smile anyway.

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