Bad Jokes And Sage Advice From The E-Mail Archives

By Dark_Heart - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Famous Quotes

Ah, yes divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. - Robin Williams Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. - Roseanne Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 10:07 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Men Strike Back

Men Strike Back! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings i t. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:26 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Good Advice

IF A MAN WANTS YOU If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 12:35 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Shot

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?" "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 11:34 AM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, October 12, 2007

The Bus Stop

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 1:14 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, October 11, 2007

A Handfull Of Beer Quotes

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemmingway He was a wise man who invented beer. -- Plato Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 11:59 AM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

The Kiss

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" "No, I don't," said the little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:05 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, October 8, 2007

Competition With God

There was a group of scientists and they were all sitting around discussing which one of them was going to go to God and tell Him that they didn't need him anymore. One of the scientists volunteered and went to go tell God he was no longer needed. The scientist says to God - "God, you know, a bunch... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:00 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, October 7, 2007

A Question Answered

A little girl and her mother were out and about. Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older." The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Her mother responded again,... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 1:51 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, October 5, 2007

Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 10:06 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

About this Blog

I have a huge family and get a lot of e-mail jokes. Some of them are too good to delete without sharing them first. And although I can't take the credit for authoring the silly things, they sure made me smile anyway.

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