Bad Jokes And Sage Advice From The E-Mail Archives

By Dark_Heart - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Faulty Aim Fatal

2002 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 2:15 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Shoot Em Off

2002 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin "For being named Lantern, he wasn't very bright." (7 May 2002, Wisconsin) Lantern, 30, enjoyed playing a private game with his wife. He would pull down his pants, place the barrel of a shotgun against his scrotum, and tell her to pull the trigger.... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 2:14 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Some Lessons Learned In Life

Some lessons learned in life: Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings". There is a very fine... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:54 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Bad Pick Up Lines

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day. 2. Nice legs...what time do they open? 3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package. 4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more? 5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? 6. I may not be the best... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:52 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Insurance Form Statements

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 10:20 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

How To Describe Stupidity

Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how... An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. Elevator... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 10:18 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, November 12, 2007

A Must Read

This is one of the most profound articles that I have ever read about this Presidency, this era and this so-called war. Everything this man says makes perfect sense to me. No matter your politics, you owe it to yourself to read and pass on so we all are informed of what's going on in our world!... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 6:01 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Questions That Have Confused Humankind

Questions that have Confused humankind!! Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt." Why do... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 10:18 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, November 9, 2007

Medical Humor

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 12:56 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

College Footbal Quiz

COLLEGE FOOTBALL UPDATE If I weren't raised in a Southern house hold, these would probably offend me.:) (1) What does the average Arkansas player get on his SATs?.........Drool. (2) What do you get when you put 32 West Virginia cheerleaders in one room?..........A full set of teeth. (3) How do you... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 12:53 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

About this Blog

I have a huge family and get a lot of e-mail jokes. Some of them are too good to delete without sharing them first. And although I can't take the credit for authoring the silly things, they sure made me smile anyway.

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