Thinking Out Loud.

By CunningLinguist - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Opinion

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The "I Am" Philosophy

I've recently invented a philosophy that has been handed down from generation to generation. Is that a contradiction? I think it is -- don't ya just love that shit?! Anyway, I'm going to be the founding Father of my own religion, although, religion is a crusty word and needs to be thrown into the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:17 AM | add or view comments (12) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Close Encounters of Some Kind

Let me tell you about my night. I was in the woods, searching for seashells -- my normal routine -- and I noticed this bright green light off in the distance. At first I thought nothing of it, because I figured it was just the same toxic waste gamma rays glowing from the drums that are always tossed... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:29 AM | add or view comments (10) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, April 11, 2008

It's a Good Thing Most Marriages End In Divorce

as opposed to the alternative... What's the deal with marriage anyway? The engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffe-ring. Tell me some happy stories of wedded bliss. I'm not cynical, I want to believe. Seems like it should be the best thing in the world. Why doesn't it work out that way? And... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:26 AM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Nothing to see here, folks

Feed me, Seymour! Give me something to write about! I have writer's block. Is there some kind of laxative I can take for that? I think I abused my muse, so she left me. She was on way too many amphetamines anyway. So here I am, thinking about what to write. Nothing comes to mind. Nothing is always a... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 8:06 AM | add or view comments (11) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Right Under Our Noses

We can't see the Forest for the Gumps. Totally oblivious we are at times to the big stuff, because all forces are focused on miniscule fecal matter that don't matter. Seatbelt laws can go on the back burner while we deal with a huge polygamist cult abusing HUNDREDS of kids please! Not in some third... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:31 AM | add or view comments (16) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, April 7, 2008

Oxy Jen

Oxy Jen got her license today. (They call her that because she wears so much Clearasil.) Yes, she's 16 and a half and old enough to drive. That's how come they gave her her license, you see. Jen asked for permission to borrow the Mom & Pop Chevy for a 'night out with the gals.' Pop asked her how... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 1:21 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, April 4, 2008

Evolution Has Officially Stopped

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posted by CunningLinguist at 2:52 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Third-Grade Conspiracy

Bobby: OK, so here's the plan. After recess, Mrs. DeMarque buys the farm. Joey: Buying what? I thought we was going to kill her?! Lucy: Ssssh! Why don't you broadcast it to the world, doofus? Bobby: Buying the farm is a menopause that means killing her. Now, Robbie, did you bring the steak knife?... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 11:13 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, April 3, 2008

My Life & Crimes as a Plaidass

Let's talk about gangs. Are you in a gang? Some people are in the Blue Gang and some in the Red Gang. I was in the Plaid Gang. We sold over-the-counter drugs on street corners. Didn't make much money, but if you had a headache, I could have Tylenol AND even Extra Strength Tylenol at the drop of a... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 12:15 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Planning Ahead

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posted by CunningLinguist at 9:52 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

About this Blog

I sit up here, taking up space in my spaceship, while observing planet earth with all its quirky whats, whatnots, and what-have-yous, and I attempt to solve all the world's problems with mental duct tape and saran wrap. The solutions to all the wurl's woes can be found here in cryptic candy coding. (Like The Da Vinci Code starring Forrest Gump.) If you can't see the answers, your questioning comes into question.

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