Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Binding contract

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, 'What'll you have?' The guy answers, 'A scotch, please.' The bartender hands him the drink, and says 'That'll be five dollars,' to which the guy replies, 'What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this.' A lawyer, sitting nearby and... Sign in to see full entry.

lawyers

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Chicken and horse

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties... Sign in to see full entry.

Watching the game

This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey on with a little Lions helmet too. The guy says to the bartender, "Can my dog and I watch the Lions game here? My TV at home broke and my dog and I want to see the game." The bartender replies,... Sign in to see full entry.

Mugging

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied I don't know, it all happened so fast. Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Things you won't hear at the racetrack

"None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth." "Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race." "Dating your own sister? Man, that's sick!" "My God, this is a splendid Merlot!" "Hey, you with the large chest. Out of the way! We're trying to watch a race here!" "Chesterton, be a good lad and... Sign in to see full entry.

Redneck computer

10 Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer: The monitor is up on blocks Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them The six front keys have rotted out The extra RAM slots have Dodge Truck parts stored in them The numeric keypad only goes up to six The password is BUBBA There's a gun... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Why God created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote. 8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and... Sign in to see full entry.

A mother's day is never done

One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home! The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 20, 2013

refill

A guy went on a date with a girl and it went so well that they ended up back at HER place. They went up stairs and they started having sex,after giving it to her 5 times the guy's bellend was red raw so when she was sleeping he went downstairs to find some vaseline but couldn't find any.Then he saw... Sign in to see full entry.