Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to... Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Answering machine message
Well I finally bought an answering machine. Now how exactly does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does....beep Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, June 3, 2013
One liner
My family used to own a restaurant. One of our regulars was a mortician. My dad would always ask him "Did you dig up any business lately?" Sign in to see full entry.
Poor Puddy cat!
Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When... Sign in to see full entry.
Gotcha
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the... Sign in to see full entry.
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A... Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Lightbulbs 2
Q: How many (generation) Xers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two, one to go and shoplift the bulb so the boomers have something to screw in and the other to screw it in for minimum wage. Q: How many vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, they *like* it in the dark. Q:... Sign in to see full entry.
Lightbulbs
Q: How many gypsies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, but you lose a lot of light bulbs. Note: None because gypsies don't have mains electricity, and the losing is a play on the larcenous reputation of Gypsies. You give a Gypsy a light bulb and ask him to change the hallway lamp, pretty... Sign in to see full entry.
Bird dog
A bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything.... Sign in to see full entry.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
One in a million
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants,... Sign in to see full entry.