Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Cheap Rate

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That's not bad," she replied. "How... Sign in to see full entry.

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO... Sign in to see full entry.

When death knocks...

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Use these 2 words

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough." The... Sign in to see full entry.

Buy a frog

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks... Sign in to see full entry.

Pharmacist and strychnine

A woman walks into a pharmacy. She tells the pharmacist she needs strychnine. He tells her he can't sell that to her or he would lose his license. She insists again. He tells her he needs a prescription. She tells him "You don't understand. I want to kill my husband. I need some strychnine." "Madam,... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Blonde Dictionary

Artery -- Study of paintings Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U Caesarean section -- District in Rome Cat scan -- Searching for kitty Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her Colic -- Sheep dog Coma -- A punctuation mark... Sign in to see full entry.

Blonde running

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Skydiving

A blonde and a brunette skydive. The brunette jumps first and pulls the cord: nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing happens. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race huh?" Sign in to see full entry.