Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, September 14, 2015

to the top!

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree", sighed the pheasant, "but I haven't got the energy" "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The pheasant pecked at a... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

who do you want to live with?

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to. So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live with your mother?" "No." said the boy. "Why not?" said the judge.... Sign in to see full entry.

lil bobby

There are some children in a class naming animals and they come across a picture of a deer. So the teacher asks Bobby, "What is this animal called?" "I dunno," claims Bobby. So then she says, "I'll give you a hint: it's what your mother calls your father." The boy thinks for a minute and then says,... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

aging

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice,... Sign in to see full entry.

babies

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

birthin babies

In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon,... Sign in to see full entry.

git a wife

A redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was masturbating several times a day out in the barn. "Boy, you gotta quit that! Go out and git yo'self a wife." So the boy went out and found himself a pretty young girl, to whom he got married. But a week or so after the wedding, the farmer... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

lil tommy

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher: "Morning Tommy, and why weren't you at school yesterday?" "Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt." "Oh Dear, he wasn't too badly hurt I hope?" "Oh yes Miss, they don't mess around at those crematoriums." Sign in to see full entry.

tooting the news

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 7, 2015

piloting a plane

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The... Sign in to see full entry.