Saturday, July 11, 2009
LG (Life's Good)
I don't know how it happened, but I haven't been upset with HB lately. Have I turned a corner? We even joked and teased one another yesterday. My frozen attempt at a smile was partly to blame... two fillings and running late so that I was still frozen and unable to drink my coffee. Not even a straw...
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Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Sigh
I'm so pathetic... I sent HB a nice song today, with a little email note... have just checked my mail and got a nice friendly email back, and I'm happy now. Actually I've been happy all day, only more so now. Doesn't matter - off to pick up a backhoe with CG tomorrow - strictly a jeans day and no...
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Sunday, July 5, 2009
Twigs
Still calm... or becalmed... my social life has shrunk to these four walls at my university research office, where I spend all my time now. I wonder my son doesn't keep in touch better, but he's a kid, he needs money... he's working all weekend. I have yet to meet his girlfriend, which I don't mind...
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Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Fields of Gold
The mood today is... calm. I had a rough few days without the medication, so that's part of it... realising that time is short is another... I must get myself organised. We know about my daily mental house-clearing... do my email (not many people write to me any more, with me going into my shell for...
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Monday, June 29, 2009
Birdwatching
For a mind that's usually so busy, there's little coming into it this morning. I'm not so sure those are Ibises in the tree outside my window here. They look like wading birds, with long legs, and the beak is a bit shorter. My curiosity is piqued. I know someone who would know exactly what they are,...
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Time to go
I won't say home because home for now includes a fold-up bed, and I'm tired. I have lost my prescription for medication that I take to control the anxiety, so I need to get to the medical centre. Part of the reason I folded, the last time I had a run-in with my supervisor, is the feeling that lately...
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Sunday, June 28, 2009
Psalm 42
My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God? When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holy day. Why...
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Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Dreamscapes
I wish I knew where they come from, these puzzling and disjointed dreams I am having this week. A few nights ago I dreamed that we were out with my mother and father, in our car that I no longer have, never had in England, nor while my dad was alive. My son in this dream was a good ten years older...
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009
All clear?
A good result, the registrar said. All benign (times three). Diagnosis: Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I'm relieved that it's nothing worse; I'm just puzzled now that this doesn't seem to explain why I put on weight over the last year. I'm as heavy now as when I was nine months pregnant; I have never...
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Thursday, June 18, 2009
Coffee
Coffee time soon... so far I have done no work. I've been caught up in the impulse to write, again and not for sending, to this man just trying to sort myself out, letting him see the damage he has done, as a way of letting go. I know who I am, and it's not for him to tell me otherwise. All...
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