Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Ouchy
Things took me a little by surprise a week or two ago when my doctor referred me for an ultrasound on my thyroid and the results showed a number of solid nodules. Endocrinologist on Monday last, and a referral to pathology for FNA and tests on what the nodules might tell us. That was this morning. I...
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Sunday, June 14, 2009
And...
Last night, just to mess up the end of the day (joking), I rang my almost-ex husband to touch base. Not the best idea, as it turns out. I asked if he had sent in the necessary paperwork, and reminded him of the email I had sent while he was away saying that I would need some dental and medical...
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Oasis
I'm feeling better today. In counselling we learn that it takes about six hours to get over an emotional shock. I suppose I should have been expecting it. I've softened towards him again, and sent an email just saying that I couldn't bear it if we fell out. I still won't see him. Normally there...
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Friday, June 12, 2009
Benign
I've found it helpful to try to track my moods and feelings around this time, something I have been doing for quite some time. It sometimes helps to spark a poem or reflection; over the past couple of days and now that I've had time to simmer down, I've found I swing from being very angry -- though...
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Deconstructed construction guy
I forgot, with the emotional storm of the past few days, that last Friday as I was sitting with a colleague having a glass of wine and some salt-and-pepper squid, the construction guy rang me and he also decided not to see me again. We went out the Saturday before, or more strictly met for coffee,...
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Thursday, June 11, 2009
Drawing Back the Threads of Recovery
Help from my web 'head-space' here, from some of the comments, both from others and my replies: He was morally committed. We are both religious and I trusted him, letting him overcome my doubts. As much as I love him, my recovery might depend on confronting him with this. My shoulders are only so...
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Wednesday, June 10, 2009
In the genes?
Are all men like this? I hope not. How can it be okay for me to hear that news yesterday as if he were going out for the evening, along the lines of ' and I've decided to get married again.' How insensitive. How perplexing that he can't see how much that would hurt me. Since being back here I've...
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Tuesday, June 9, 2009
So much for fighting back
In case no one read my Daffodils in August blog today, my heartbreaker has told me today -- in my office -- that he is getting married again. He can't have had any idea of the reception of saying something like that to someone like me. It was as if I were a casual aquaintance. No more shocks baby,...
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Monday, June 8, 2009
I want to feel like me again
Most of the time I do, during the day, that is, while I'm busy and engaged in research and writing. I can't help my mind drifting off from time to time, however, and it takes an effort to bring it back. Worst of all is going to bed, and waking next morning, all alone. I've never been truly alone,...
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Sunday, June 7, 2009
Queen's Birthday
I can move again. I'm still sore and still can't get both legs into the car without lifting the second one in with my hands (!) -- a somewhat awkward manoeuvre when the steering wheel is so low in this sporty and elderly Beemer. Manual shift is tiring, turning around to look over my shoulder...
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