Sunday, December 14, 2008
"Creeping" on Facebook
My entire family is on Facebook and insisted that I join too. But it is so boring to read - "What are you doing right now?" DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW? I wrote this morning that I was impersonating Alice Cooper because I slept with my make-up on and woke up with racoon eyes. Then everybody has to...
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Friday, December 12, 2008
What Wrong Turn Did I Take?
What mistakes did I make? As we took the scenic route home from the hospital today - we passed some of my old "stomping grounds" when I was young and the mansions of the rich people that I stomped with. As we drove past - it was snowly so beautifully and thick - I loomed at each house that I...
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Wednesday, December 10, 2008
"But He's Such A Nice Guy"
Until you find out he's chopping off baby doll heads and making silly hats with squirrel skins. They always say that about weirdos and serial killers - he was a quiet family man / had a decent job / kept to himself - WRONG!! he wasn't tinkering in the tool shed making a new mail box. He was creating...
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Monday, December 8, 2008
Where's Sir Laurence Olivier When You Need Him?
Being quite the movie buff, I have never really enjoyed "Blockbuster" movies with lots of adventure and blow-up scenes. It always seems as though the movie itself takes over the "acting" part and it is just one big cartoon. Where's the ACME box? But then again there are some big budget movies that...
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Thursday, December 4, 2008
"Mom - The Cops Are Outside - What Did You Do?"
"What do you mean what did I do? Why does everybody always say that?" PAUSE - What did I do? / I only threatened a few people lately / I did throw that ashtray at the barmaid / my memory is so bad these days / oh I hope I didn't really rob the liquor store? Wait, Wait, Whew - they are at the...
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Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The Incredible Expanding Fish Tank
Isn't it funny how a little bag of water containing a tiny little goldfish can transform itself into a 4' x 4' tank in all of one year? My daughter won this award answering the most correct questions in science class last year. Thanks folks. I wast just as excited 20 years ago when my son was 8 and...
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Monday, December 1, 2008
Why Can't The Other Parents Do Everything?
I'm watching Napoleon Dynamite right now. This past weekend I spent most of my precious do-nothing but lay around and watch movies time driving children around. Now I don't mind taking my older daughter to work - but it's the The Little Diva and her friends that drive me nuts. The way I figure it -...
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Monday, November 24, 2008
I Should Have Been Poor Every Year For Christmas!
Hard times have hit everyone and this year my kids have been told they are not getting the usual truckload of returnable garbage because I am a poor unemployed shopaholic. And also the Mom isn't well and can't afford to shop or stand in long lines without passing out and possibly spreading her...
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Sunday, November 23, 2008
A Candle Party Turns Into A Bar Fight
No - I am not bragging about my violent act (although it was kind of funny) - but I haven't done anything like that in a very very long time. My neighbor was having one of those outrageously priced $10.00 per votive candle parties last week - and I opted to help her set up. More like set her up to...
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Thursday, November 13, 2008
On The Way Home I Need To Get Some Vodka And A Stamp
"Just one stamp mom?" "That's all I need." "Your not supposed to be drinking mom." "Oh shut up and pull over - I am in pain here. I'm just getting a little bottle." My poor son has the tortuous task of driving Miss Nutsy around to doctors appointments and stopping to purchase heavy objects like dog...
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