Tuesday, August 24, 2004
25 Signs that You've Grown Up
25 signs that you've grown up 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6....
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Thursday, August 19, 2004
Heaven's Ducks
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they...
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Wednesday, August 18, 2004
WHO SAYS THAT COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?
WHO SAYS THAT COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR? "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "Can you run...
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Sunday, August 8, 2004
Female Brain Cell vs Male Brain Cell
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but heard no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell...
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Sunday, August 1, 2004
Women are Crabby
Women are Crabby: We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on...
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Monday, July 19, 2004
The Internal Revenue
Internal Revenue The Internal Revenue Service sent their auditor to a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles." "Yes," answered the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked. "A good...
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Thursday, July 15, 2004
Honey Please Let me Explain
This one cracks me up everytime.
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Remote Wilderness
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that"! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the 'picture', but...
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Monday, July 12, 2004
How does he find the right hole??
I am not one to make "fat jokes" because I know that some people can not help the fact they are fat. Sometimes its medical. Recently, I could not resist the temptation to make a fat joke. It happened like this. A week ago I was standing out in front of the Hollywood Hotel and Casino. As my husband,...
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Sunday, July 11, 2004
Loving Husband
Loving Husband Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the...
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