Wednesday, May 19, 2004
The Rules of Life
Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the Rules of Life really are. 1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages of any kind. 2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape. 3. The...
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Sunday, May 16, 2004
Voodoo
A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around. He...
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Friday, May 14, 2004
The Middle Wife
The Middle Wife By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with...
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Thursday, May 13, 2004
Dipsticks
A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well, there's a very simple answer......Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. Our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma....
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Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Why Women Lie
Why Women Lie One day, while a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water, and she needed the thimble to make her...
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Monday, April 26, 2004
It really does
I am like the eye of a hurricane or the center of a tornado, spinning helplessly out of control. I know it s depression. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I don’t even want to get out of bed most days. I hurt all over. There is no pleasure in this life. I am angry, Angry at God. Though I try to hold...
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