Mom vs. Wife vs. Sanity

Friday, November 26, 2004

Losing weight, losing fingers, losing patience...

Digging into my post-Thanksgiving breakfast of five fun size Snickers and a Diet Pepsi, I am reminded of my New Year’s resolution from last year. I resolved to first give birth to a baby girl in mid-April and then join a gym and train for a marathon. The first part was a breeze, and I delivered only... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

My kingdom for a pen!

We own one functional pen, and the rest are decoys. That is the only logical explanation for the complete lack of working pens in my house. I have searched drawers in every room, the couch cushions, and even the pencil case my daughter uses as a change purse. I can only find one pen that writes even... Sign in to see full entry.

Flintstones vitamins are the miracle drug.

If only I could cure my own illness with an infusion of Flintstone vitamins. I love those things; only the red ones, and preferably only Betty, but I can take a Fred or Barney now and again. The brands available now line the bottom shelf of the pharmacy (as is evidenced by my son emptying said shelf... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I need to feel worse. Please cough on me.

I have the tingle. That tiny little tingle in the back of your throat that tells you that you will be getting sick soon. The anticipation is almost worse than the illness; my whole weekend flashed before my eyes as I went over the things I would not be doing because of my cold. I do not sound ill,... Sign in to see full entry.

Bring in the band.

I can’t sing, I can’t play any musical instrument, and I dance sort of like most ungifted white folks do when given a beat and some sort of rhythm and no clue how to put either to good use. And yet, during my day I am constantly hearing a soundtrack in my head. When I am changing the baby’s diaper I... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

A discovery worth passing on!

I found it! I have been able to track down the origin of the suck ass food that my cafeteria in high school served. It is from a local eatery (which is remarkable, I went to high school no where near here), and it still, after all these years, sucks ass. I took my three little people to the local... Sign in to see full entry.

Does "tank ass" mean fat in Australia? Or just in my head?

My son is a grazer. Like the cows on my Aunt Nutty’s farm, my little two-year-old grazes through the day alternately munching on fruit snacks, Lunchables, and a bite here and there from unsuspecting diners. He is a fan of ice cream and breads of any kind, and will seek them out with some sort of... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Bargaining for more time...

My husband, in an apparent attempt to make me move all of his things to the front door and place a Holiday Inn key atop them, has been watching weather movies all week. There was one on TV about some storm of some sort, then he rented (“hired”- suomynona) another weather movie from the local... Sign in to see full entry.

Freezing my ass off in the Southwest. Send heat.

55 is the high today. Fifty-five degrees. As in, below 60. I did a double take at the weather man; he didn’t change his story. I live in the desert for a number of reasons: I like that it is spelled really close to dessert; I like to watch old people flock to our fine city in the winter; I like to... Sign in to see full entry.

Sore loser, bad sport, argumentative annoyance....

Another successful game night last night (that means my team won), but like the NBA of late, the evening was not without controversy. The category was “terms of measurement” and our opponent said “tenths”. I argued the point and said that a “term” indicates that a unit was needed, such as inches or... Sign in to see full entry.

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