Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, May 30, 2013

no time for grieving

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. "So, what is it?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." The... Sign in to see full entry.

Practicing the profession

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell are you doing?" "Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense,... Sign in to see full entry.

Tigers

The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their... Sign in to see full entry.

Cant take it with you

An old miser, because of his exceptional thrift, had no friends. Just before he died he called his doctor, lawyer and minister together around his bedside. "I always heard you can't take it with you, but I am going to prove you can," he said. "I have $90,000 in cash under my mattress. It's in three... Sign in to see full entry.

What does your dad do for a living?

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." "That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a... Sign in to see full entry.

Hades

A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman. 'That's unfair!' he cried. 'I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

brains by the ounce

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains. "How much does it cost for engineer brain?" "Three dollars an... Sign in to see full entry.

lawyers...

What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50? Your honor. What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad? Senator. What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline! What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? The tick stops draining you and... Sign in to see full entry.

lawyer vs physician

Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, "I think... Sign in to see full entry.

Dumb questions in court

Real Quotes From Court Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that... Sign in to see full entry.