Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Blonde Dictionary

Artery -- Study of paintings Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U Caesarean section -- District in Rome Cat scan -- Searching for kitty Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her Colic -- Sheep dog Coma -- A punctuation mark... Sign in to see full entry.

Blonde running

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Skydiving

A blonde and a brunette skydive. The brunette jumps first and pulls the cord: nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing happens. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race huh?" Sign in to see full entry.

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Answering machine message

Well I finally bought an answering machine. Now how exactly does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does....beep Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, June 3, 2013

One liner

My family used to own a restaurant. One of our regulars was a mortician. My dad would always ask him "Did you dig up any business lately?" Sign in to see full entry.

Poor Puddy cat!

Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When... Sign in to see full entry.

Gotcha

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the... Sign in to see full entry.

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Lightbulbs 2

Q: How many (generation) Xers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two, one to go and shoplift the bulb so the boomers have something to screw in and the other to screw it in for minimum wage. Q: How many vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, they *like* it in the dark. Q:... Sign in to see full entry.