ask a dumb question
"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?” “Huge hands, sir.” Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, June 16, 2014
teacher!
The teacher wrote on the blackboard, “I ain’t had no fun all summer.” “Now Paul,” she said. “What shall I do to correct this?” “Get a boy friend.” Paul replied. Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, June 15, 2014
simulated battle
During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. “You there,” the sergeant shouts, “the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire.... Sign in to see full entry.
at the zoo
A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by the zoo owner – to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which contained many exotic species. While removing some gravel from the tank with his spade, he accidently hit one of the fish and killed it. Worried about losing his job for... Sign in to see full entry.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
did he really say that!
While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going! I told you to turn right onto... Sign in to see full entry.
thrifty
A young man bought an expensive piece of jewelry as a present for his girlfriend. “Don’t you want her name engraved on it?” asked the clerk. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the realistic, steadfastly replied, “No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. That way, if we break up... Sign in to see full entry.
Friday, June 13, 2014
smarty pants
Four people are in an airplane, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, and a punk teenager. The airplane experiences some difficulties, and the pilot informs the three passengers that the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes on the plane. The... Sign in to see full entry.
married
“Now, that looks like a happily married couple.” Remarks the husband. “Don’t be too sure, my Dear. They are probable saying the same thing about us.” Replied his wife. Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
signs...everywhere signs!
In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait." In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push." On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." At... Sign in to see full entry.
how chicago braves the cold
60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats. Chicago people sunbathe. 50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Chicago people plant gardens. 40 above - Italian cars won't start. Chicago people drive with the windows down. 32 above - Distilled water freezes. Lake Michigan's water... Sign in to see full entry.