Guy's blog about life with pets in northern mich.

In ninety-nine more days we won’t have “Dubyah” to kick around anymore. I just accidentally typed anymorte. Either that was a typo, or a Freudian slip. I hope that the Secret Service doesn’t kick down our door, to tenderize me………..Again. Listen, Secret Service guys. I have trouble typing with only one finger! I made a mistake! See! I just typed misteak! I had to correct that, too! Please, believe me! That wasn’t a threat, and neither were any of those other times that somebody thought, that... Sign in to see full entry.

Today I went into work, after surviving an attempt on my life. Old news, I know. Never mind. I decided to fill my gas tank, when I saw that the price of gasoline was ONLY $3.38! I really hated to dilute my expensive, last week’s gasoline, with that cheap crap that the local BP station was selling today, but for all I know, the stock market might tank, yet AGAIN today! Fear of nearly ANYTHING and EVERYTHING causes gas prices to jump IMMEDIATELY, right? If the NYSE stock prices were to continue... Sign in to see full entry.

I have been feeling very sick since last Friday afternoon. Those rotten grandkids of Marilyn’s brought some deadly disease home from school, just so they could give it to me! I suspect anthrax, but I don’t really know much about virulent pathogens, other than my ex-wife. The only thing that I DO know about virulent pathogens is that they eventually take away one’s will to live. Since Friday night, I have personally gone through a mountain of tissue, my nose is sore, and my stomach muscles have... Sign in to see full entry.

Last night at 1:30AM, we were awakened by the most terrible noises, yowling, growling, screeching, and squealing. I don’t know what part of Baby the kitten snagged with her claws and fangs, but it finally pushed his terrier button, hard. Maybe the dog just got tired of playing the water buffalo game all day, every day, or maybe instead of biting Baby’s neck, the cat chomped down on sensitive, tender parts at his other end. All I know for certain, is that for a short time, Baby was trying to kill... Sign in to see full entry.

Dear Terry, my favorite daughter, or whatever I usually call you, This is our.....I mean your Dad, speaking. I have recently been experiencing intermittent side-effects from my medications, in which I hallucinate that ( in my hallucination ) I tell you that I wish to disown my favorite, firstborn son, after I burst a cerebral blood vessel, after reading some humorous, recent email. I just want you to know that if I were soon to say ANYTHING like that to you, it is only the DRUGS talking! You... Sign in to see full entry.

I posted the following blog in May, 1997, six months before the wall Street nosedive began. Grasshoppers, I hope that all my desciples who dabble in stock market gambling, took my advice and cashed out, put half into gold coins, the rest into weapons, ammunition, land mines, Claymore mines, motion sensitive spotlights, generators, drums of gasoline, barbed and razor wire, canned and dried food, salt, flour & sugar, stored containers of potable water, medical supplies, made friends with trained... Sign in to see full entry.

Like the rest of the world, I am shocked at the news that Paul Newman has died. I have seen him age over the years but illogically, I didn’t actually believe that he would ever die. I didn’t think that he even COULD die. When Brando or Elvis or Jimmy Stewart or Charleton Heston died, I did not feel as though I had been punched in the stomach, like I do today. Of all the living male acting greats, my favorite two actors have been Paul Newman and Clint Eastwood. Much of what makes me feel this way... Sign in to see full entry.

Two Jehovah’s Witnesses just left our house. I have talked briefly, to dozens of them and have never been even slightly tempted to buy into anything ANY of them have had to say. These people should hire better scriptwriters or they will never become a proper cult. Hire someone like the people who convince ignorant Muslim teenagers that if they will blow themselves to bits, taking a LOT of us infidels with them, 46 virgins will welcome them into Paradise, as an Islamic fundamentalist hero.... Sign in to see full entry.

The last couple of days have been the most bizarre and surreal experience, I have had touch my life, for many years. I have been told that a former coworker decided that I am a good catch, and devised some kind of a plan to steal me away from Marilyn. I only learned of her interest in me second hand, because if I was being flirted with during this campaign, I was oblivious to it. More likely, my seduction was planned to begin in stage two of her plan. I will have to call this coworker by some... Sign in to see full entry.

Marilyn and I were watching TV together and one of those quick promotional blurbs for the series “ House ” came on. It said, “ They should build monuments to your self-centeredness!” I glanced at Marilyn but said nothing. It is hard to speak when biting one’s tongue. Having no faith that I could continue to be silent, she made a preemptive strike and said, “He is talking about YOU!” My butter-knife sharp wit quipped, “ Somehow, you manage to make that sound like a BAD thing!” Best I could come... Sign in to see full entry.