Eighty Thousand Cigarettes

Boyfriend is not blind to the fact that our life at the current moment is less than desireable. I don't blame him for my misery -- I got myself to where I am. So we both recognize that we need to do *something* but are either unsure of where to start or too settled from the lack of movement over the past year or so. I know he wants a better a life. You'd have to be retarded to NOT want something else, but we've dug ourselves a nice little ditch. This situation is so very different than the one... Sign in to see full entry.

No no, not *your* blogs. Popular blogs that don't require a subscription. I was just thinking about the first few posts I ever threw up in this place -- about 5 years and a lifetime past. I deleted all the posts in a fit of "I'm so done with this place" but I still have them on various hard drives. I created a blog here to post some of those gems, but haven't yet. Maybe I'll start. The first was me doing the requisite first post "why I'm wasting your time with this crap" and I think was more me... Sign in to see full entry.

... In 2004, after a failed first attempt at drying out, my brother's mom had told him he had one more chance on her dime and sent him to rehab and then to a halfway house in SoCal where he flourished. Seriously. I saw him in July 2004 and he broke my heart. I saw him in 2006, and I don't ever remember feeling so overwhelmed, happy, relieved and grateful all at once. I knew he had slipped a few times in the past year but had no idea that he was again using heroin. So to think of him laying in a... Sign in to see full entry.

This time of year ended up holding a couple important anniversaries for me -- not all meant to be celebrated. It's been four years since I boarded a plane at JFK with three duffel bags, $700 and a place to stay with a boy I really liked. If you've been around here long enough, you know why I got on that plane and how graceful my grand exit from the East Coast was (it wasn't). The friend who I headed West to be with, well, we're living together now in the North Bay. It's been a ride - for sure. A... Sign in to see full entry.

Not so long ago, we lost (what we thought at the time) was a great roommate. There was no falling out - she didn't hate us and we didn't hate her. She just wanted to move down the hill a little closer to her boyfriend to a slightly cheaper room. Not having any lack of love for a departing roommate makes replacing them extremely bittersweet. You don't want to see them go although you're excited by the possibility of making your home an even more awesome place to be. Originally, we all thought we... Sign in to see full entry.

It's been one hell of a week. My hooha is all healed, thankfully and back in full wrecking ball mode. Despite Denis' repeated calls, I've continued to ignore him, although part of me feels like I have something to "prove" and must sleep with him again without any emergency medicine personnel involved to rectify the situation. It probably will not happen though. Spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning helping Spenser move from the City to the Burbs, which was not my intention but I felt good... Sign in to see full entry.

Chica down south is on the mend. After the hell that was last week and all the anxiety that went along with worrying about my poor cookie, things are looking way up. The bleeding has finally started to taper off and is starting to resemble the stuff it should look like once a month and the pain is all gone. I felt good enough on Saturday to even go for a motorcycle ride with Greg. We took it slow through the city at first to see if my cooch would be able to handle straddling the bike and the... Sign in to see full entry.

So I have a "friend," lets call him Mike. Mike was sort of instrumental in my breakup from Spenser is showing me everything that was lacking in my relationship. Basically, a person to go out on the town with, stay up all night with and have fun. Yeah, you can guess what happened eventually. My appointment at the gyno this morning went well. They did a really thorough (less painful) exam and decided that the blood is coming from my uterus but not from a tear. Rather, they're hypothesizing that... Sign in to see full entry.

Oh, my poor broken vagina. A comedy, a tragedy, a life lesson and my first trip to the ER (that was warranted). My slightly older female friend started nagging me yesterday to go to the Urgent Care Center to get things checked out, as my hoo-ha still hurt and was still bleeding. I did so more to appease her than out of any actual concern for my well-being. The urgent care center is like the non-emergency room. For people who either don't have regular doctors or who can't get in to see their... Sign in to see full entry.

So to make a very long, medically sort of gross story short: Irishman hurt my va-j-j on Saturday night. Sunday, ouchies but no bleeding. Yesterday, later in the day noticed a little bit of bleeding (of course, not until after Greg got here... I Know, I know - I had no business thinking of doing the nasty in my current state but I never turn down a free ride... obviously). And no, I wasn't dumb enough to have sex, although I thought about it and did find a way to 'get mine' without jostling the... Sign in to see full entry.