Things That Go Bump In My Night

Isn't it funny how a little bag of water containing a tiny little goldfish can transform itself into a 4' x 4' tank in all of one year? My daughter won this award answering the most correct questions in science class last year. Thanks folks. I wast just as excited 20 years ago when my son was 8 and... Sign in to see full entry.

I'm watching Napoleon Dynamite right now. This past weekend I spent most of my precious do-nothing but lay around and watch movies time driving children around. Now I don't mind taking my older daughter to work - but it's the The Little Diva and her friends that drive me nuts. The way I figure it -... Sign in to see full entry.

Hard times have hit everyone and this year my kids have been told they are not getting the usual truckload of returnable garbage because I am a poor unemployed shopaholic. And also the Mom isn't well and can't afford to shop or stand in long lines without passing out and possibly spreading her... Sign in to see full entry.

No - I am not bragging about my violent act (although it was kind of funny) - but I haven't done anything like that in a very very long time. My neighbor was having one of those outrageously priced $10.00 per votive candle parties last week - and I opted to help her set up. More like set her up to... Sign in to see full entry.

"Just one stamp mom?" "That's all I need." "Your not supposed to be drinking mom." "Oh shut up and pull over - I am in pain here. I'm just getting a little bottle." My poor son has the tortuous task of driving Miss Nutsy around to doctors appointments and stopping to purchase heavy objects like dog... Sign in to see full entry.

He is so predictable. Every time we have an argument he lays on the couch for days with his arms crossed and teeth clenched. The morning rituals stop and he watches lusty music videos when I cook dinner. He even did it yesterday when the Steeler Game was on and it was a really close score so I knew... Sign in to see full entry.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing - there I was yet again trying to get to sleep late at night when an interesting movie came on. Ewan MacGregor is one of my favorite actors - he reminds of the guy you want to come over and neck with when you're babysitting somebody's kids at night. The movie was... Sign in to see full entry.

What's up with that? I have heard people say that you shrink as you age and of course people that swill beer on a daily basis get a beer gut - but what's up with the eyes and feet? Actually - I now have a size 9 and size 10 foot - so which size do I buy? Maybe just my face is getting fatter then... Sign in to see full entry.

"What the hell does that mean?" "That means dinner is ready and if you aren't hungry now - heat it up yourself later!" Why is it that every man I have ever lived with expects me to jump up / forget what I am doing / at any hour of the day or night / and feed him? I won't do it - when I turned 40 I... Sign in to see full entry.

One year I am plotting numbers on an excel spreadsheet to prepare for the fiscal budget of my department....now I am filling out forms answering questions like how often I bathe and circling numbers on what pain level I am feeling today. One year I am all gussied up in designer duds getting ready... Sign in to see full entry.