Funeral Fun

By archiew - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

His Passing gladdens our hearts

For the town bully, or a serial killer, or just your slimmy local used car dealer, or personal injury ambulance chaser, this type funeral would be open for all those affected by the deceased to walk past the corpse and express their heartfelt thanks that the person is now dead. One rule: No touching... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

An Artistic Farewell . . . .

This funeral event may appeal mostly to the artsy-fartsy among us. At the funeral service, before the burial, or, at the viewing, have the body laid out, in the nude, in the middle of the foom. Have various artistic supplies availalbe, paints, glue, construction paper, etc. All the guests could then... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Political Funerals . . . . .

So many people die who are radically political in their nature. Why not send them off with a mock election, or series of elections? At the service, congregants and guests could vote on issues such as, "Which Way Will He Go, Down or Up?" Another vote to be taken could be, "Of the following three... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

COSTCO Caskets

Apparently there is a COSTCO pilot program to sell caskets in their warehouse stores, starting, I think, in Chicago. That is really neat. First, you have the opportunity to save some money on what is one of the more expensive items on the funeral bill. Second, I can see being able to try a casket... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

For Smokers who have Died

Let's bury them with their favoirite smokes, whether it be cigarettes, cigars or pipe tobacco. The same if they are cremated; cremate them with their favorite smokes for one last puff! Sign in to see full entry.

Gross, but educational . . . .

How about a television feed from a small camera broadcasting from inside a casket? The body should be left in a plain pine box, nailed shut and should not have had any embalming done to it. That would give those interested a view into the decomposition porcess, not pretty, but definitely natural.... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Register to Vote

So you're dead? There have been many voters in the ranks of the dead previously, so let's get those activists into the funeral homes and into the cemetaries and garner those votes from the dead. It may be necessary to do so this election to break the deadlock. Perhaps one could note in their will... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Animal/People Mixes . . . .

My wife and I are animal lovers, the proud parents of 7 cats, currently, with the ashes of a dog, several cats and assorted relatives in a trunk. Since we are the last of the line, so to speak, since we have no children (thank goodness!) it might be interesting to be burried or cremated witht he... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, August 3, 2004

Boost Attendance

Some funerals are sadly under attended. Imagine how the family feels,knowing that the deceased has few friends, or, at best, few friends who cared enough to attend the funeral. So, a new American tradition could be to go to funerals, particularly if there is a funeral going on and you do not see... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, July 30, 2004

Funeral Fun But Only If . . .

It is not your funeral! Why cann one not have fun at their own funeral? Becasue you're dead. Lifeless. Kaput! That is why it is so important to enjoy life while you are alive, and, remember to have that memorial service while you are still alive. If you invite people to talk about you after you have... Sign in to see full entry.

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