Bra Pat's Urban Legends

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Sunday, April 15, 2012

HOW JUDGEMENT DAY WAS DELAYED

‘To cover funeral expenses in the event of your death and that of other artists, my department has set aside R10, 000. Don’t worry comrade, we have not forgotten you. As for the public, they are spoiled for choice as far as entertainment is concerned; what with tabloids like The Daily Sun... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

GOOBS IN A STATE OF CONTRITION

During lunch Goobs usually went home to eat. Ma’am Zikalala came to the staffroom in his absence. ‘What is happening to Magubane? He was behaving quite strangely this morning; asking for forgiveness for I don’t know what’. She said. ‘We told him that on Friday night in his drunken state he had gone... Sign in to see full entry.

GOOBS IN A STATE OF SHOCK

The following Friday Zondo hosted us. Goobs as usual quaffed as much as he could, but we were careful this time not to allow him to trick us again. He staggered home on his own a little bit earlier than usual. On Monday when he entered the staffroom for the morning tea break everybody fell silent.... Sign in to see full entry.

GOOBS IN A DRUNKEN STUPOR

One minute he was sitting with us around the table drinking at P.G.’s house, the next moment he was lying on the floor, lights out. Mr. Magubane, (pronounced Magoo-bar-nee) alias Nkomose (his clan name) popularly known as Goobs, was our colleague at St. Benedict’s in Kwa Santi, a Catholic mission... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, April 13, 2012

THE SPAT BETWEEN THE MARTIAN AND THE PRESIDENT

I went back to the man they call The President, and let him know that I felt aggrieved because, by not offering me one of his wives, he had not accorded me the respect befitting my status. He had dissed me and not shown me ubuntu. ‘I don’t know what you are talking about. I have only one wife, and I... Sign in to see full entry.

THE MARTIAN WITNESSES AMAZING SCENES

My first stop was at a City Council meeting in De Aar where the dominant political party had made a rule just the week before, restricting Councillors of opposition parties to only four seconds to make their points during debates. ‘That is just enough time to say yes or no,’ one councillor objected.... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

THE MARTIAN DISSES THE PRESIDENT

When I met him, The President was just as rude as the man called Pa, not standing up from behind his desk when talking to me. I let him know as much. ‘But I am standing. What do you mean I must stand up? You are not by any chance poking fun at my short stature; are you? You have just arrived in my... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

THE MARTIAN AND THE FARMER

In August 2007 on a windy morning, we landed in South Africa on a sparsely populated place called a farm. I left my second-in-command in the spaceship and approached a narrow structure of corrugated iron. A bad smell came from its open door. An Earthling was sitting inside the structure, reading a... Sign in to see full entry.

HORROR OF HORRORS 2

From the very first day Ingemas, Marita’s husband, was infatuated with the maid and could not wait for Marita to be on call at the hospital before jumping into bed with Manana. This did not escape the hawk eye of Betsy, who found an excuse now and then, day and night, to go knocking on her... Sign in to see full entry.

HORROR OF HORRORS 1

Betsy looked out of the window of her lounge and nearly fell on her back when she saw what her new neighbour Marita, a doctor from Poland was doing. ‘John! John! Come quickly and see what is happening.’ Betsy called her husband. ‘What is happening?’ John said as he rushed to her side. ‘Look! Just... Sign in to see full entry.

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