Bad Jokes And Sage Advice From The E-Mail Archives

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Sunday, January 6, 2008

A Teenagers View Of Heaven

A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN 17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote.." It also was the last. Brian Moore died... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The Thimble

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 31, 2007

Darwin Award Honorable Mention

Remember science class? Remember the time the teacher dropped bits of sodium into a bowl of water? We would watch as the element skipped about, fizzing away as it burned. Well, for one teacher, this tidy little demonstration didn't go exactly to plan. A safety glass screen is usually placed between... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Home Depot

Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to Home Depot. At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Walt was finished, Mary asked 'How much for that faucet?'... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 28, 2007

A Public Service Announcement

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine. And those who don't. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Wild Christmas Dinner

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. The following won first prize. Christmas With Louise As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Grapes and Doughnuts

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but alw ays promised not to take a case if he felt he couldn’t help. The Browns came into see the successful doctor and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests. Finally, he... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A Cowboy Named Fred

Cowboy named Fred A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient: "Sir, if... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 17, 2007

The Jar

A Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's up with the jar?' Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Chicken Farmer

A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The... Sign in to see full entry.

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