What Happened When The CityBoy Moved to TheCountry

Monday, September 5, 2005

The Mystery of Princess Poochie Pants

I was rummaging through a rack of doggie apparel at a local pet superstore when I first discovered Princess Poochie Pants. It was one of the more ridiculous items I had ever seen! The Poochie Pants was a pair of jeans for dogs, but unlike the many other canine garments which it was displayed among,... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

With Much Regret, Mrs. Price, I Must Inform You

Dear Mrs. Price, It is with much regret that I must inform you of my checking your 80-year old husband out yesterday when I visited. As you remember, I came to your home to tour the available apartment you have for rent. After knocking on your door, I was greeted by your husband, clad in nothing... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

A Visit to Price Place

As I knew it would, the mere mention of Wilma Price's name set Georgia into full gossip mode. It was as if I had retrieved the remote control from our television, aimed it at Georgia, clicked a few buttons, and activated her. I lit a cigarette, slid onto the porch swing, and gently glided back and... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, August 22, 2005

I Just Don't Give It Up to Anybody!!

Okay, Ladies. Here it is for you. For those who don't cook/bake well, this is a surprisingly easy and it's pretty much foolproof. It should take about 30 minutes to prepare, and when you're done, it should look like you purchased it right out of a restaurant. I sincerely hope you will try making... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, August 19, 2005

It Splattered Near My Shoe

Anna Belle, the woman whose name sounds like she should be entered into the Derby Festival's Great Steamboat Race and frolic with a bunch of barges on the Ohio River, had sent Johnny to retrieve my recipe for Joe's World-famous Peanut Butter Pie. The simple man standing at my screen door looked as... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tobacco Juice and Peanut Butter Pies

The residue of tobacco juice on Johnny's face was thicker than usual the day he knocked on my back door to retrieve the gift I had prepared for him. Over time, I have grown used to the brownish spittle that oozes from the corners of his mouth. The streams that run down his chin frequently look like... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

What was Beneath My Sink

Beneath my sink, amidst the clutter of items conveniently hidden away from visitors--small paint cans and brushes for quick domestic touch ups, spray cans of pesticides, jugs of laundry supplies, a mop bucket and sponges--I keep the household vases for easy retrieval. To my astonishment, as I stood... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

The Sound During My Time

From the moment we get home from work to the moment The Monster goes to bed, I can hear Captain Prichard instructing Starfleet to put their airplane in Warp Drive. I can hear some woman screaming bloody murder because her toenail has turned into a black moth, has flown off her big toe, and is now... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, August 7, 2005

Garden of Weird Cantaloupe

I wanted to raise my hands to the side of my face, and with elbows protruding, scream This.., can't.., be.., happening! Throughout my years, I have seen this ridiculous outburst in horror movies, and I have always wanted to wail it out, but until today, I never had an opportunity worthy of such... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, August 4, 2005

A Mailbox with a Lock

The Monster handed me a key, and I slid it onto my key ring. He looked at me with great anticipation, like a dog waiting for praise after fetching a tennis ball. To amuse him, I slipped the key into the lock of the new mailbox he had just anchored at the end of the yard. Despite the mail being... Sign in to see full entry.

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