Stuttering Peace Signs

Recent studies have shown That doing drugs is a good thing But Recent studies have shown That people choose the wrong time in their lives to do drugs Recent studies have shown That you don't want to drugs when you're an adult And you have responsibilites Like A job And A family And Bills to pay... Sign in to see full entry.

I'm having a hard time adjusting to the fact that we no longer have a completely looney and phenomenally corrupt religious hypocrite as President... I mean, this new guy can actually READ! Sign in to see full entry.

I know this guy who doesn't have a cellphone, voicemail, or even an answering machine... I think he churns his own butter too, and rides to work on a burro... Sign in to see full entry.

Lost my right arm today... I had it when I left my apartment this morning... Then I went to the food court at the mall, ordered a corn dog, had the corn dog in my left hand and reached for the mustard with my right hand... and I waited... and I waited... and after about five minutes, I thought,... Sign in to see full entry.

Within ten years, New York City is going to become almost completely uninhabitable, and those who choose to continue to inhabit it will, in order to survive, devolve into a more primitive or feral state, and the "New Yorker" will become a sub-species of the Homo Sapien... Sign in to see full entry.

Woody Allen once said that a politcian's ethics are a notch below a child molester's. And while I tend to agree with that, I can't help but be moved by the image of Barack Obama being sworn in as President. This is real poety. Now, let's hope that he doesn't screw it up. Sign in to see full entry.

Results of the latest Gallup poll: 45% of Americans spend their lunch hour shoplifting instead of eating. Results of the latest CNN/Wall Street Journal poll: 63% of Americans think that George W Bush should be killed and that his body should be burned and that his bones should be ground into dust... Sign in to see full entry.

Saw Bill O'Reilly on the street; beat the shit out of him Saw Tina Fey on the street; followed her around until she maced me Bought a metal detector Sign in to see full entry.

Take the iPod out of your ears Flush the Thorazine down the toilet Quit reading the Bible on the subway Don't use religion as a form of Methadone Tear down that shrine to the Beatles Remind yourself daily that football is evil Give the money that you were going to spend on lottery tickets to Ralph... Sign in to see full entry.

Do you ever wonder what kind of old person you're going to be? I think I'm going to be one of those incontinent old people, because, frankly, I'm barely hanging on now... Sign in to see full entry.