Stuttering Peace Signs

George Bush claims to be a Christian... But I don't think George Bush would know Jesus Christ if Jesus Christ bit him on the ass... And if you've read the bible, then you know that Jesus was a biter... Sign in to see full entry.

Ever read the bible?... Pretty far-fetched, huh?... The bible makes THE WIZARD OF OZ look like a documentary... I'll bet that the first time God leafed through the bible, his reaction was, "I never said that... and I never said that... and who the hell is Jesus... I don't have a son named Jesus...... Sign in to see full entry.

A satellite photo of a hot chocolate Gets me thinking About how toilets are outlawed in Connecticut Soon My hallucinations are having kittens Like I meet my paternal grandfather When he was the age that I am now He owns a very profitable hay-braiding shop in Vladivostock And offers to teach me the... Sign in to see full entry.

If 40 is the new 30, does that mean that 30 is the new 20, and 20 is the new 10, and 10 is the new birth?... Are women going to start giving birth to 10 year-old kids?... Isn't labor painful enough already?... I've never been gladder that I don't have a uterus... Sign in to see full entry.

If 70 percent of the human body is composed of water, why do you suppose we don't slosh more when we walk around? You'd think that with all that water inside of us, we'd be splashing and spilling and leaving little trails everywhere we walk, and getting a shock every time we touch something... Sign in to see full entry.

I became a vegetarian because, this one time, I was eating a burger, and I bit into a hoof... and, this other time, I was eating a hot dog, and I bit into a phone book... Sign in to see full entry.

I hate George Bush's freedom I thought it was his policies that I hate But it turns out that it's his freedom I just don't want him to be free He's a mass murderer and a traitor to his country and humanity in general But You know Despite that I like him as a person He's just so likeable He's like a... Sign in to see full entry.

I'm not into internet porn. I guess I'm old-fashioned. I prefer to listen to porn on my Victrola. Sign in to see full entry.

You are so pretty You're so pretty That you make me nervous Okay So everything makes me nervous But you make me a special kind of nervous It's the kind of nervous that actually makes me stop thinking about myself And the narcissism that I've come to rely on so heavily just melt away And all I want... Sign in to see full entry.

You should be nice to people Because If you're nice to people Chances are That they'll be nice to you And Then you'll have friends all of your life Unless The people you're being nice to Are assholes In which case They're just pretending to be your friend And They'll take advantage of you And Screw... Sign in to see full entry.