Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Thank-You, Afzal50!
I was writing an e-mail to a friend recently, saying that I had always had this inner need to seek approval. I believe that is what has always compelled me to play by the rules, to compete to be the best, and not take to losing or rejection very easily. I know my husband loves me, but I was questioning whether or not he took notice of my writing any more. I would ask him to read something I had written, and I was being met more often than not with a sigh of exasperation, or annoyance. He would...
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Sunday, July 29, 2007
He was just a FROG Afterall
As I fell asleep in my husband's arms last night, bemoaning the cruelty of the world in which we live, I thought of what my friend, Dink, in Louisiana had just written to me in an email. It provided a wakeup call and actually placed a lid on a lot of thoughts I'd been having that day. The day before, I had wondered into my online buried archival folder of Mike, where I put letters I have written and never sent nor will ever send. I spent a good part of Friday afternoon writing a blog about my...
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Friday, July 27, 2007
When Does the Heart Stop Loving?
I am hoping the answer to my own question is never, yet, what if that love wasn't supposed to be? What if that love has caused one person hurt and anguish and the other partner has felt extreme shame because of it? I have found that love like that, while exhilarating and ethereal- feeling at the time, has had its double edged sword. I grieve over the loss of a person who has come to feel nothing in return for me or worse, "disgust and contempt." I still wonder how and why this happened to us? I...
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Sunday, July 1, 2007
What IS "being taudrey"
I know a lot of my readers want to know more this Mike fellow Cee got herself mired in. I started a blog at blogger on being tawdry, the true meaning of the world. What IS 'being taudrey'? Welcome to the inauguration of my new topic on "being taudrey." I am in the angry phase of grieving a failed relationship, after being rejected from a long ago love affair. It ended with my being left holding the veritable bag of do-do and wondering what I did to become so vilified. My ex-lover said that what...
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Friday, June 1, 2007
You Had Your Chance
You had your chance Was I only a prize? We had romance There were no lies! You had your chance After all the years One final dance Dissolved in tears You had your chance The truth’s in your heart You were held in no trance And now we’re apart You had your chance I was yours for the asking To live in your manse You doubted love’s lasting You had your chance As I lay dying Our song, from France? Too late for crying You had your chance. Carole Carey ©June 1, 2007
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Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Mama Bird
Birdie Number four asked me why I had taken up blogging. To answer the question "why do I blog," I said the following: With Parkinson's Disease robbing me of more and more of my vocalization, I have turned to today's pen and ink, the online log; the blog. To begin with, writing daily was cathartic; it would let me vent my lovelorn, jilted feelings and vent about the man who broke my heart and walked away; a year later to call me a stalker because he was over me but I wasn't over him. I only hope...
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Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I never meant to make you unhappy
Dear Mike, It's been two years ago today that we experienced what you tagged as perfection, May 22 and 23. I just wondered if you are ashamed of achieving perfection with me? Are you also ashamed of loving me? Because you didn’t ruin YOUR life, you saved mine --after all -- just as you promised you would.* Jay and I celebrated our 30th Wedding Anniversary April 8th. To think, I almost threw it all away. I would have. I was ready to make that change and your decision to end 'us' saved us both...
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Wednesday, May 9, 2007
The Mind Is A Dangerous Place
She warned me not to go there Because it was a dangerous place I asked her non-rhetorically Why was it that when I want to feel good I don’t feel any better But when I don’t want to feel bad I feel even worse? It’s when I find my way to the land of imagining and ‘Whatifs’ I am mired in self-loathing. I sleep because it is the only way of Escaping the monsters with a hand to slap The cruel creatures of my perceived Failures Shortcomings Frozen inaction while the world and life Goes on in spite of...
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Friday, May 4, 2007
Are You Being TRACKED?
I became suspicious that somehow, you know who (JoeBlow for now) was onto the fact that I was reading his public forum posts. Doggone it, he demanded that I go away and leave him alone. Ordering ME not to do something is tantamount to a double-dog dare ya statement. Having said that, I have done as he wished and have ceased any attempt to contact him via email, voice mail or snail mail. No comments have been made to his forum posts either. Curious reading on my part. What is that called?...
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Monday, April 23, 2007
Are You Addicted to Someone?
Tonight M broke up with C, her boyfriend, roommate, and now EX-love. She called her older brother to tearfully deliver the news. I started thinking of those first few terrible days of "withdrawal." You can draw a lot of parallels between love and an addiction. 1) It can have a secretive quality, something only shared between two people. That kind of love is called "an affair." 2) It's hard to hide, no matter how good you think you are at keeping love's light under a barrel. 3) People can tell...
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