I Like the Long ForePlay

Saturday, December 24, 2005

All I Want for Christmas Is...

I've been asked twice this morning why I haven't been posting to so & so's site? " Been bloggin'," I replied. I came up with a new little song, based on the tune I first sang when I was 6 years old and front-toothless. Now it's a little more brainiac, because I'd need another hole drilled into my head, but here goes. Name this tune. "All I want for Christmas is some Stem Cell Lines, some Stem Cell Lines, some Stem Cell Lines..." I had Deep Brain Surgery 6 years ago for my Parkinson's disease,... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by LadyCeeMarie at 10:33 AM Comments (0) (permalink)

Friday, December 23, 2005

SLIPPAGE

Slippage? My daughter, wise at age 25, had said it was inevitable as my husband, her father, sometimes became the "old version" of himself from which he was trying so hard to break away. I woke up early this morning to a disturbing sight. Instead of being wrapped up in my husband's arms, as I've grown accustomed these past two months, he was sleeping on the edge of the bed, facing away from me on his side, arms crossed in front of him. This was eerily familiar. I did as I had before, with much... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by LadyCeeMarie at 6:29 AM Comments (5) (permalink)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

The Kiss of Death

I got my final, and I mean it really was the FINAL e-mail from my mikey. "No contact, ever again, for the rest of our lives, PLEASE," was the message. How many times does he have to tell me?? This wasn't the first e-mail of this nature. He's written me similar missives, but this time it had the ring of finality. This time I believe it will the last touch I ever receive. My heart is breaking but I guess I'll live. I lived 30 years without him in my life, so I can just do the same for the rest of... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by LadyCeeMarie at 11:09 AM Comments (1) (permalink)

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Prepare for the Worst

I woke up early and prepared for my first appointment of the day made back in October. I was seeing my neurologist for my 6-month checkup for Parkinson's disease. We arrived at the Med Center right on time, 8:30. It's about an hour's commute. I asked my nurse if Parkinson's could make one easily out of breath. She said yes, it was possible my disease had progressed, making the diaphragm, a muscle, less capable of supporting my lungs' breathing capacity. I told her about my CT and PET scans... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by LadyCeeMarie at 4:29 PM Comments (0) (permalink)

Facing down death -- again

When I discovered that my husband was already in bed, it was early by my standards, just a little past ten o'clock. He had taken some Nyquil and he hadn't worn his Testosterone patch that day either, which would explain why he was so quiet about going to bed; no 'performance' that night and he wouldn’t want any wifely pressure. He was sleeping soundly, the CPAP machine for breathing was making its quiet white noise, the mask strapped onto his face. I came to bed and left my nightgown on the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by LadyCeeMarie at 11:57 AM Comments (2) (permalink)

Ho! Ho! Ho! Why Am I Not Laughing?

Monday, December 19 th, I had a CT and PET Scan, looking for hidden cancer cells. Yeah, cancer doesn’t wait on Christmas. I found that out last year. Some of my complaints were new to the oncologist. I was breathing harder than usual with exertion, and I had gained 10 pounds in one month (I must be a stress eater; October did me in.) Then my labs, drawn earlier that day, came back reporting "something" he didn't like; I could tell from his expression that "he was very concerned." It was a phrase... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by LadyCeeMarie at 9:16 AM Comments (0) (permalink)