The State Bore of Texas for Wednesday, October 19, 2005

STATE BORE EXCLUSIVE: "I WANT TO DIE" GENTLE GIANT SAYS FROM CRAWFORD CAGE Crawford, Texas (State Bore News) – Showing obvious signs of exhaustion and apparent withdrawal from a reported methamphetimine addiction, Sesame Street’s Big Bird told The Bore’s Crawford, Texas bureau chief Wednesday afternoon that he’s ready to die. The droopy-mouthed Muppet sat in virtual silence, beak impaled in the cement floor of his cage, wearing nothing but his vomit-and-mucous-crusted feathers. Bird had been... Sign in to see full entry.

ICON DETAINED EN ROUTE TO HOUSTON SAME-SEX UNION; LOVEABLE FOWL UNDER GUARD OF MARINE BATTALION Dallas (State Bore News) – PBS icon Big Bird was detained in Dallas late Tuesday while changing planes en route to a same-sex union in Houston. The popular talking bird was reportedly ‘roughed up’ by federal transportation officials following an in-flight altercation with flight attendants with America West Airlines. The wild incident reportedly began with Bird drinking excessively, and then spitting... Sign in to see full entry.