Jeff's Jots

I went to a class reunion last night and I received a rude shock. No one remembered me. Not a soul. No one remembered my name. No one remembered my face. No one remembered anything about me. How could this have happened? I mean I wasn't the most popular kid in school but I wasn't exactly a... Sign in to see full entry.

So your car breaks down and you have it towed to a mechanic. You come back later to pick it up and the mechanic says to you "I'm sorry but we couldn't fix your car. We tried our best we did everything we could but it still won't run. That will be $300 please." Would you pay him? I hope not. I... Sign in to see full entry.

I used the restroom in the mall today. I realize that's not earth-shattering news, but I'm getting ready to make a point. The point is this: What's the point of those automatic toilets. You know what I mean. The ones that flush themselves when you're done, (sometimes before you're done.) How lazy do... Sign in to see full entry.

A lot of people lie on their resume. Not lie exactly but exaggerate. Make their accomplishments sound bigger than they were. Make their jobs sound more responsible than they really are. In order to reverse this alarming trend, I hereby present the world's first honest resume. These are my real... Sign in to see full entry.

If someone has a bowel movement during a social gathering, does that make him a party pooper? I don't know why they call it Victoria's Secret. It looks to me like Victoria has hardly any secrets left. Do people in Austrailia refer to North America as "up over"? There's a portable toilet company... Sign in to see full entry.

I might as well tell you. You're going to find out sooner or later anyway. I'm just going to get it out in the open. I am a multiple sneezer. I never sneeze just once. Three, four, five sneezes in a row is my normal. My record is nine. Relieving my conscience is only one of my reasons for telling... Sign in to see full entry.

Are you pro-life on abortion? Are you sure? The reason I ask is that I suspect that a lot of people who think of themselves as pro-life aren't as sure of their position as they think they are. A lot of pro-life folks would make an exception and allow abortion in situations where the pregnancy... Sign in to see full entry.

As I write this essay, the Chicago Cubs star outfielder Sammy Sosa is in the process of appealing an eight game suspension for corking his bat. That's a no-no. Sosa says the bat with the cork is one he uses for batting practice. It allows him to hit the ball further so the fans who arrive early to... Sign in to see full entry.

Elsewhere in this blog, I wrote about how by writing down her worries and seeing later how things usually worked out okay, I was helping my girlfriend reduce her worrying. I now offer another technique to reduce worrying. I call it the "Worry Exchange" Find a friend, relative or coworker you're... Sign in to see full entry.

I want to prepare you for what I'm about to say. It will probably come as a shock. It's something you've never heard before. In fact most of your life, you've probably been hearing the opposite. So sit down and brace yourself. Here it comes. There's nothing wrong with watching television. Ahhhhh! I... Sign in to see full entry.