Thinking Out Loud.

By CunningLinguist - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Opinion

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

A Minor Mishap

So I read this story somewhere, I don't recall where. The details are going to be shady, because my memory runs on some hybrid fuel mixture of ethanol, coconut scented suntan oil, and Dunkin' Donuts coffee. It doesn't always mut the custard, but I do my best. It seems there was a mining disaster and... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:32 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

"Corduroy Pillows Are Making Headlines"

Urine Van Der Sloot needs to be hung up by his freakishly small testicles via dental floss. I have wanted the whole story to go away forever, I've been so sick of it on the news for so long, but this subhuman makes our species look bad. Rest in peace, Natalie; Justice just is. What else... how is... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 8:52 AM | add or view comments (11) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, February 4, 2008

Keys to Success (old school repost)

I tiptoed across the room naked looking for my keys. Of course, I knew my keys weren't in the room - they were outside - but I wasn't about to go out there, because the thermometer read three below zero. I had too much to drink for logic to kick in, but not enough to drink in order to numb me to the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 7:35 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, February 3, 2008

I'm Off Gettin' Healthy

I always suspected as much. Public Service Announcement. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 12:47 PM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Tie That Binds

I have no ties to neckties. I despise neckties. I'm wise to neckties and realize the lies of neckties. Think about a tie and its purposes for being. Once upon a time, somebody said, "Hey, we can sew a simple strip of fabric and sell it," and the natural response was, "Why would somebody buy such a... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 8:33 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Emperor Is Naked, Bendin' Over, Givin' You the Redeye

I'm supposed to write. I don't feel like writing, so you can't make me. It's raining outside, I've got Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is sad. Raindrops keep falling on my head, that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red... unless of course somebody takes a picture of me with a digital... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:02 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

What Goes Around Comes Around

If you are lucky, you're going to get to be old someday. Your teeth will be like the stars and they will come out at night. The music you once enjoyed will only accompany you between floors on an elevator ride. You'll say things like, "In my day we didn't have electricity, so we had to watch TV by... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 8:52 AM | add or view comments (13) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, January 28, 2008

You're Special - Just like Everybody Else

Hi. I'm Cunning Linguist, and I'm an internet junkie. I'm addicted to other peoples' lives and to political news and top 10 rock music lists, and *cough* pornography. I skim through so many webpages in the course of a day that, by the end, I don't remember any of them. I'm sick and tired of coming... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 8:33 AM | add or view comments (11) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, January 27, 2008

The Interview of a Lifetime

Larry King: We have a very special guest this evening, live, via satellite from someplace called "Undisclosed." I think Undisclosed is a province of Utah, if I'm not mistaken. My fourth wife and I visited various thrift shops there, if it's the place I'm thinking of. They had great ceramic figurines... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 11:26 AM | add or view comments (10) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Stained Dress

Two miracles occurred that I never would have guessed. I asked her to the Prom, for one; and second, she said yes. The girl I had it bad for since early seventh grade. The picture of perfection: Ms. Kimmie Lynne Slade. I pulled up to her house, looking stellar in my tux. I try to front modesty, but... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 8:27 AM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

About this Blog

I sit up here, taking up space in my spaceship, while observing planet earth with all its quirky whats, whatnots, and what-have-yous, and I attempt to solve all the world's problems with mental duct tape and saran wrap. The solutions to all the wurl's woes can be found here in cryptic candy coding. (Like The Da Vinci Code starring Forrest Gump.) If you can't see the answers, your questioning comes into question.

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