Eighty Thousand Cigarettes

The insomnia has struck hard again lately. Like, really really hard. There were a few good nights late last week and early this week. Summer is winding down enough so that Spenser and I can spoon without shoving away from each other covered in sweat 10 minutes later. The toll not sleeping takes on a body never ceases to amaze me. I marvel at how little sleep I got by on in my late teens and early 20s - I could literally wake up at 6:30 to get ready and go to work, head out immediately afterwards... Sign in to see full entry.

Feeling very emotional today and I think its because I need to write. I need to be creative, to not just recount a story or craft an opinion but to watch art, living and kicking, leap onto the page from my brain. It's been so long, too long since I've tried my hand at poetry or prose... and I know that at least I used to be good. I'm not sure why or even when exactly I stopped. I always wrote better in turmoil and crisis and there was plenty of both to use as fuel growing up. I've been "fucked... Sign in to see full entry.

I don't have many idols. Sure, there are plenty of rock stars or writers who's songs I know by heart, who's work I devour more than once but very few people elevate past mere humans or artists and become a part of me. Kurt Cobain did that. Poppy Z. Brite did that. And Jim Carroll did that. I was lucky enough to meet him twice, although I wouldn't begin to say that I knew him at all. It's a strange connection to feel -- completely one-sided and something very few other people 'get' -- it feels... Sign in to see full entry.

Yesterday was doozie for me in many ways. I mentioned that I was operating on very little sleep, but I began plowing through the day just the same knowing that at the end of it I would have the assurances of Ambien for a good night's sleep. I have very few 'idols' - artists usually but sometimes just people - that have affected me so powerfully that they are a part of my skin. Their words or songs (in this case, both) echo through my brain endlessly and a quote always seems to pop into my head... Sign in to see full entry.

So I've given you guys one lame post about the annoying white trash that didn't do nearly enough to sum up what substandard human beings this pair are. Well, from what I understand they are not currently a "pair" but it's safe to assume that the split is probably not permanent, since it seems to happen a lot. I think they deserve one another, also a shared love of cocaine and High Life will do a lot to keep a couple together, in my experience. ANYway. It's about harvest time here, and I think I... Sign in to see full entry.

Now that I have gotten my mandatory " where I was when " post out of the way, it is time now to return to my regularly scheduled bit where I bitch about things, because I am a whiny liberal slut with too much disposable income and a broken moral compass. When iPods first came out, I instinctively cringed at the thought of them. Not because they aren't/weren't incredibly ingenious futuristic and useful ways to store, listen to and transport your music but because I hate 'trends' and 'fads.' I... Sign in to see full entry.

I woke up on the morning of September 11, 2001 a mere thirty miles away from NYC and happy as happy could be. I had the warm body of Kevin in bed next to me, hot coffee waiting in the kitchen and after our shared shower we headed to work. I had met Kevin at the company I was temping at during the summer between my sophomore and junior years of college. In exactly 8 days, I would be getting on a plane to Oakland, CA to begin a new life at CSU Hayward as a national exchange student (think... Sign in to see full entry.

I previously described "Car Crash Guy" in this here blog ( here for those of you who haven't seen/need a refresher ) who captured my heart by having the balls to ask me out on a date after side-swiping my precious vehicle, which also happened to contain a crippled Greg at the time of impact. I accepted the dinner invitation mostly because the story was too good - "Yeah, so I got into my first car accident the other day and the guy asked me out!" I mean, just imagine if it had 'worked out,' what... Sign in to see full entry.

I believe I gave this person the pseudo-nonymous nickname of Greg in my previous blogs. Greg was an anomaly in my dating landscape and the simple fact that he was so far removed from any of my previous partners should have been warning enough to me to stay away. Unfortunately, I play with fire. I met Greg through an email. I had an idea of starting a blog and instead of networking and trying to build an editorial team that way, I simply started writing on a Blogger free account and decided to... Sign in to see full entry.

It's been kicking around my head since for as long as I've loved writing. My first post to BlogIt, way back in 2004 was testing the waters to see if I could do it with any degree of regularity. I don't mean to sound smug, or brag but I know that I am a good writer. It is the one thing that I have always been consistently good at and thank god for small favors, because if I had no outlet for the shit in my head, I don't know where I'd be. This here is my 'anonymous' blog. While most of you know a... Sign in to see full entry.