Funeral Fun

By archiew - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Wheelchair Dump

Admit it, there are people who nobody ever liked, nobody, ever. Fortunately they are few in number, but, there they are. How about a special funeral for them. At the cemetery, there is an open grave. The despised deceased is wheeled to the edge of the grave in a wheelchair and unceremoniously dumped... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by archiew at 5:11 AM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Disco Funeral . . . .

This could be fun for the funeral of Baby Boomers. Well, the deceased will have no more nor no less fun, but the guests will. Start with a disco ball, mirrored, colored lights throughout the funeral location, preferably not a church, but a disco hall. Do they still exist. All the ladies must wear... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by archiew at 7:10 AM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Bubble Funeral

As a kind of symbol for the deceased's sacred soul breaking away from its old,decrepit body, we should adopt the blowing of bubbles during funeral services. As the eulogies and prayers are droned and heard and cried over, as the minister sermonizes us, the bubbles would focus our minds on and... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by archiew at 6:46 AM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Practice Funerals

Have any of you considered the errors that can creep into the best of funerals, the best planned funerals? Why not treat funerals as we treat weddings? Have a rehearsal funeral before the real one so that everyone knows what to do, what to say, where to be, when to cry, etc. This could ease the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by archiew at 7:34 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, July 9, 2006

Has anyone ever attended a completely silent funeral

There would be no music, no sermon, no eulogies, nothing involving sound, except perhaps the sounds of people that can't be helped, footsteps, chairs creaking, an occasional cough or fart, and perhaps a sniffle or an almost silent hug of the surviving family and friends. The sounds would all be... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by archiew at 11:36 AM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, June 18, 2006

My hope is to die just before Halloween

Halloween is the best holiday of the year, and for me, the holiest day of the year. It is the day the curtain between life and death is at its thinnest. My idea is to have my wake and funeral as a Halloween party, with the guests encouraged to wear costumes and to bring scary stories to tell. If the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by archiew at 10:20 AM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Maintain My Comfort After Death!

Who knows what the after life brings us. But, just in case my ghost/soul/spirit/consciousness hangs around for a brief time, I would like my family and friends to do the following: Set up a "Memorial Spirit Hang Out Room" for me in my home. Our semi-enclosed front porch would be my choice for this.... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by archiew at 5:58 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Whistler Funerals . . . . .

It might be interesting to insert some sort of whistle device into the anal opening or the nostrils, or both, of a deceased person. The gases of decomposition would cause the whistles to sound, not so much with a tune as a "Cacophonic Symphony of Death." It would be a constant reminder to those... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by archiew at 6:32 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

A diner's funeral . . .

Some of us really enjoy food. Many of us do. So, how about a funeral feast that serves all our deceased's favorite dishes, and have the feast in the presence of the deceased. Yes, we will enjoy such a funeral, and to make it complete, a serving of each dish served is to be placed in Tupperwear into... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by archiew at 9:02 AM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, October 27, 2005

A Life-Like Mortuary

I propose a mortuary that would pose the deceased in life-like situations, propped in a sitting room, in chairs and on sofas, to await those who come to view them. The deceased would be dressed in their "Sunday Best," as if they were eagerly awaiting their visitors. It would definitely be more... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by archiew at 1:58 AM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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