I Kept The Baby

Monday, May 22, 2006

Cut all ties?

He's not communicating. I still haven't heard from him and I'm thinking that this is the beginning of long-term silence/absence on his part. You hear stories from people who stay their father left when they were 5 years old and they never saw him again until they were 30. I think that this is what's... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Let's not be friends

His mother wants photos of the baby. She even offered to send money to cover the cost of photography. I don't want to do it. I don't want to accept her money because if she starts contributing, she might get the idea that she can tell me what to do. Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Not a word

It was Mother's Day yet not a word from the man who has made me a mother. Last year, he gave me a Mother's Day card even though I was still pregnant and therefore, technically, not a mother yet. This year, silence from him. This year, his mother sent me an e-card and his father left me a voicemail.... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The babysitter split

My babysitter is moving out of town today but she didn't give me notice until this morning! Imagine that! I was getting ready for work this morning and scrambling to find someone else to watch my daughter from now on. The abandoning babysitter gave me the phone number of another lady who offers... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

Oh, enough about him!

My thoughts have turned inward now. I think more about myself, how my hair I looks, how I dress, keeping my home and work areas organized, being punctual, starting to cook again so that I can save money by not eating out. My focus is on myself and my baby girl because no one is looking out for us... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 8, 2006

New Identity

Went to a community picnic on Saturday where the music was for us parents: 1980s rock n roll. I mean when was the last time you heard "8-6-7-5-3-0-9" and "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"? I was hanging out under a shady tree with my little baby nestled in her car seat. I was getting into the music so I... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

My own Mastercard ad

Friday-night Babysitter: $9 an hour Daycare Provider: $1,100 a month. Live-in Nanny: $2,200 a month. Stay-at-home Mom: Priceless. Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Multiple Fathers

I'm facing the fact that, if I want more children, I will need to have them by another man. Multiple fathers. That's so not cool. This is not the life I had dreamed of. I wanted to grow up, get married and have a typical family. It's not going to be that way. Maybe I will adopt next time. That way,... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, April 28, 2006

I'm doing better

I say thanks to everyone who read and commented. Your words have been kind and I appreciate them. Still no word from him since April 14 but I'm doing better. I don't feel like trash anymore. I read somewhere that breaking up is like kicking a substance habit. You feel terrible during withdrawal and... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

It's over, accept it, move on

He has stopped communicating with me again. I have not seen him since April 2 and I have not heard from him since April 14. Why do I keep putting myself through this? Why do I keep telling myself that there is a chance for this to work out when I know there isn't? If he loved me, he would be here.... Sign in to see full entry.

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