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Just never lie to your daughter
She will feel it is her fault but it is not. Maybe some day he will explain why he is doing this to you and her. But she has to form her own ideas of her father not what your ideas are. I know it is hard but I have learned about my mother very quickly and my father who is always there for me let me. It makes you and her stronger. Trust me everything will be fine just enjoy yourself with her that is all that matters.
posted by
8-ball
on May 23, 2006 at 7:33 PM
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It'll come good - don't worry.
The worst thing about being a mother is that sometimes regardless of how you feel that you have to put it all aside for the benefit of the child.
I met someone when I was just getting on with getting back to just being me having come out of a destructive 3 year relationship. I ended up being really happy and not expecting it. My daughter got along with this guy from the word go, and since then we've gotten married and we too have a 7 month old girl.
My best advice is keep your life open, start everyone off at the same level when it comes to your daughter. If they want to be nothing but good to her right now, they intend to be the same in the future, then for the sake of it, unless you perceive a future harm towards HER, then stand back and offer her the best and the best of people whether or not you may or may not have great personal feelings towards them.
I'm not being preachy, all I'm doing is trying to offer you a less stressful solution.
posted by
Cringe
on May 23, 2006 at 9:58 AM
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Cringe
I see your point. I will take it slowly and see how it goes. My daughter is only 7 months old. If I don't tell her anything it will be years before she's aware enough to ask.
posted by
missjohn316
on May 23, 2006 at 9:37 AM
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Felt I have to say something on this...
I got pregnant from a one night stand, told the dad he could have as much or as little to do with her as he wanted, he chose the latter, and he chose not to tell his parents either, and today my daughter is ten and some day I will have to face telling her the absolute truth in the most diplomatic manner.
You don't owe this woman anything, but you owe your daughter a relationship with her or a chance at one.
I'm sorry but it's not about the past, it's about the future and offering the best one to your little girl.
Myself and my Dad fell out during my pregnancy, we exchanged horrible words, granted he would never have urged me to terminate it, but when I almost miscarried, he wasn't exactly perturbed.
It didn't stop me from letting my daughter have a relationship with him.
posted by
Cringe
on May 23, 2006 at 9:26 AM
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bel 1965
Yes, his mother is all happy about this baby now. But last year when I was pregnant, she and her son wanted me to consider having an abortion. I flatly refused and, yes, I'm still bitter about the fact that they asked. Her son apologized for asking for the abortion. I accepted his apology. But the mother did not apologize and she did not call me (not even once) during my pregnancy.
Then, when the baby came, their family (including the mother) got together and mailed me a box of nice baby stuff for the baby's first Christmas. That was good of them. But I'm still mad at the mother because when I was about a month pregnant and her son had stopped calling me, I called her and was stunned that she too wanted me to consider abortion. She told me that I didn't have a baby in me. She said to me, almost yelling "You don't have a baby. All you have is a fetus!" She was trying to tell me that it wasn't a baby yet and that I could abort (kill) it. That hurt so bad I haven't forgotten it.
Well, I never saw my baby as some thing that I could kill. I always regarded my baby to be someone who I could not harm. It really burned me that she would de-personify my child that way. That's the whole trouble with abortions, so many of us fail to see that it's real person in the womb. A real person who never gets to see the light of day.
Now that my little person is out of the womb and has a smile that lights our lives, his mother suddenly gets to be Granny? Well, she wasn't Granny a year ago when she wanted to destroy this child! I feel no obligation to keep ties to that woman!
posted by
missjohn316
on May 22, 2006 at 1:43 PM
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I'm Sorry To Be Harsh
But I think you are being very selfish where your child is concerned. I was one of those children and luckily I had my father's mother who was there while growing up. She was terribly embarrassed by my father's behavior but she LOVED me and got me through some very hard times during my childhood. Once our children become adults there is little we can do to make them behave, his mother is not at fault here nor is your child. Why deny her what family she could have? Why deny her what few roots that are available to her. Trust me when I say it makes a world of difference!!!
posted by
bel_1965
on May 22, 2006 at 12:27 PM
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