Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
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- Go to I don't want pity, I just want you to understand what it's like to be me
Dear Quirky alone
I dont have words to say what i felt,this has been going on my mind many a times because here in india also people would do just anything to sell the news and the trend is catching up quite fast.It really hurts to see all those crime cases being dissected so brutally.The kind of information and the way they put it up it can suffocate any soft soul.I just hate watching such crime news or reading them.I think people should come out make those buisnessmen realize what they are doing.And for the first time i came to know your side of the situation.i never thought of it before,how someone like you and your mother would have felt.You must have through a really tough time.All my good wishes are with you,and i'll pray for dear aunt.
With regards,
Abhilasha
posted by
abhilasha
on October 28, 2005 at 7:32 AM
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Quirkyalone,
Empathetically you have my caring and so does your mother.
posted by
jacentaOld
on October 26, 2005 at 9:44 PM
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Quirky
My typing is always a little challenged! lol
posted by
Jemmie211
on October 25, 2005 at 10:19 AM
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Jemmie--
thank you sweet one. Your typing is a little challenged this morning, (LOL) but I very much appreciate your thoughts and prayers!!
posted by
Julia.
on October 24, 2005 at 12:10 PM
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It's true
Mobid curisoity abounds.
You always have my prayers and my good thoughts sent your way and to and for your family.
posted by
Jemmie211
on October 24, 2005 at 12:05 PM
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poet--
sometimes the apple does not fall far from the tree, and sometimes the apple seems to be a completely different variety altogether than the tree it came from. Ignorant people don't remember this, nor do they think it would ever happen to them. thanks for commenting.
posted by
Julia.
on October 24, 2005 at 10:21 AM
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Fancy--
The thing is, I'm not sure if it would help or hurt my mother to have this kind of national publicity. I tend to think it would be worse for her instead of making it better, but I just don't know yet. thank you very much for reading and commenting.
posted by
Julia.
on October 24, 2005 at 10:19 AM
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Yes good people can have kids that make their own choices
Yes, I have seen this in my own family, but not to this extent. Anyone's child can be in jail, use drugs, or whatever else can be imagined. My own kids did things I did not think were conceivable in "our" family. One day I was shopping and a policeman tapped me on the shoulder and took me to my daughter who had shoplifted $400. worth of clothes. They could have put her in jail A painfully honest person, I was mortified, humiliated and learned a good lesson that day. Thankfully she has blossomed into a great kid now, but those days were tough.
I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow. May God bless you, and touch your heart.
posted by
poetjpb
on October 24, 2005 at 9:19 AM
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How would one go about getting Oprah's attention??
I would try that. I cant see now that Im commenting, the persons name that mentioned it also had a good point. There is a section on Oprah's or really any of the talk show's sites, where you can post your idea's for a show. Montel would be another good one. He does tons of shows on the victims of the violence. Im sure he would be interested in this view of it.
Good luck and dont go down without a fight.. In so many cases the victims of the culprits families have it harder then the criminal themselves. Im sorry for how there's still so much ignorance.
posted by
FancysSchmancy
on October 24, 2005 at 7:28 AM
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Quirk
I do know and I will remember
. I am sorry you are enduring this...we love you.
posted by
cosy
on October 23, 2005 at 5:54 PM
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Quirky
It seems to me that so often we forget that there are people out there who are not only innocent victims of such things but those that are actually blamed in some way for the actions of someone else.
I have a very vivid memory of a news show that covered Ted Bundy to the end. The one thing that struck me so hard were the cheers outside of the prison as it all came to end. I wondered what made those out there cheering so much better. My next thought was, somewhere even Ted Bundy had a mother.
I have to admit, I have learned alot from you. I only wish, you hadn't had to learn it all so firsthand.
posted by
Bel_
on October 23, 2005 at 5:13 PM
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nuwriter--
thank you for your kind thoughts, and thanks for commenting, too.
posted by
Julia.
on October 23, 2005 at 2:12 PM
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Georgia--
Well you know, that is an intriguing thought. How would one go about getting Oprah's attention??
posted by
Julia.
on October 23, 2005 at 2:12 PM
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Rachel--
I think you're correct, there are respectful ways to satisfy curiosity and there are not-so-respectful ways. Certainly, spreading humors about "digging up bones" would fall under the not-so category.
posted by
Julia.
on October 23, 2005 at 2:10 PM
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thank you katray--
I do hope that it might give some a different perspective.
posted by
Julia.
on October 23, 2005 at 2:08 PM
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It it unfortaunate that not all things we see in the media are true. My prayers are with your family and the other's as well. Hope you can live in peace soon.
posted by
nuwriter
on October 22, 2005 at 9:58 PM
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Quirky
It seems to me that the media could get a bigger "scoop" by publishing your post instead of re-hashing what happened so many years ago. I wonder if fighting fire with feelings might be the way to go. I know you have moved away and cherish your anonymity, but I'll bet Oprah would air your story in a heartbeat. Certainly, you are not alone. I can easily see her doing a show on the heartache of families who are living through this in small towns across America everyday. Maybe some national attention would shame the small town reporters into submission. Oprah could have them on, too, and ask them to justify why they keep bringing this up.
posted by
Georgia
on October 22, 2005 at 6:56 PM
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You're on to something...
Although I enjoy reading true crime type things, I can see where you are coming from. It's something that I have thought a lot about in the wake of the capture and trial of the BTK Killer. They talk about him all the time on television, and every time I see something on television or in print about him I wonder if his wife of his kids accidentally flips through the channels and sees their life, or the life they didn't know they had, being put on television for entertainment. It's a bitter pill to swallow and I can't imagine how this type of coverage hurts a family.
I suppose being a lover of true crime facts and data I would be the type of person that would bring pain to your family, but I don't have an interest of ill intent, rather I seek to understand. I want to understand where the person who was able to murder comes from, I want to know how it would impact their family members. I believe it's a natural curiosity, but it's how one carries out their curiosity that makes it hurtful or not.
posted by
RachelAnna
on October 22, 2005 at 6:12 PM
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Powerful and heartbreaking post Quirky
With a needed message. Why the rubbernecking and morbid fascination? I think it is a mix of fear and perhaps shock - when we hear of or see horrible, deadly scenes, the reality of own mortality rushes to the forefront. Some are better equipped to deal with it respectfully and sanely and move away; too many seem unable to do so. And yes, media feeds the obsession in the name of greed. Perspective like this will hopefully cause rubberneckers to realize the agony they inflict on all the victims.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
posted by
Katray2
on October 22, 2005 at 5:49 PM
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Wilds--
Being busy is good, it keeps you from entagling yourself in all the pettiness that can be found here, there and everywhere.
posted by
Julia.
on October 22, 2005 at 2:42 PM
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renigade--
thank you most sincerely, that is all I could really hope for, that some people would stop to think that there are many sides to a story.
posted by
Julia.
on October 22, 2005 at 2:37 PM
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curator--
It is very sad, isn't it? Not everyone has a taste for the blood and gore, but so many do...and yes, my mother's heart is still heavy after all these years.
posted by
Julia.
on October 22, 2005 at 2:37 PM
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Quirks
I spend a lot of time on the computer with class, working, and trying to live :) That's where I've been. Going to a hockey game shortly here. I'm looking forward to the respite. :) Good to see you too!
posted by
Wildwoman_Laloba
on October 22, 2005 at 2:35 PM
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Quirk--It'll make me think next time I read the local paper, that's
for sure. Although I already do that based on my own experiences...
posted by
Renigade
on October 22, 2005 at 2:33 PM
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Maybe I already said this - what a desperate pity that society in general craves this as entertainmentment for their off hours. (I don't know why this continues to surprise me when I ALWAYS get sucked in by the new issue of "People".)
My respect and most caring thoughts to you, to your mother (ah, what she must carry in her heart) and to your whole family.
posted by
curator
on October 22, 2005 at 2:31 PM
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Wilds--
wow--where have you been hiding out?? Good to see you again!
posted by
Julia.
on October 22, 2005 at 2:31 PM
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Quirks
sending you a hug.
posted by
Wildwoman_Laloba
on October 22, 2005 at 2:02 PM
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Isa--
thanks for your comment, yes it was certainly not a picnic.
posted by
Julia.
on October 22, 2005 at 12:34 PM
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prisondairy--
yes, it is unfortunate that the media feels no compulsion to be the least bit compassionate--
posted by
Julia.
on October 22, 2005 at 12:33 PM
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thanks for sharing this...
must have been terrible to see your brother exposed like that in the newspapers...
posted by
Marshallengraved
on October 22, 2005 at 6:45 AM
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Quirky,
I can see and feel the agony of undergoing through what you have described...It is unfortunate that the media has no responsibility to the families of the victime or the one who committed the offence.
Like you said, mothers are the most affected and sisters the worst because I have seen that with my mom and sister.
posted by
prisondairy
on October 22, 2005 at 4:25 AM
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Factor--
No, it's not likely a newspaper would be interested. But, I do think it is an accurate portrayal.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 9:48 PM
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Blanche--
I wouldn't want to be able to see the future either.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 9:48 PM
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word.--
yeah, it is on the one hand. On the other, it was just yesterday.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 9:47 PM
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Now see...
Quirky this is what I as a _thinking_ person would identify as the effect of the news that I am rehashing. Why is it so acceptable to hurt the innocent in the name of ratings, sales, etc.? It's just not right. I am so sorry
And you did write this quite intelligently. You probably won't get it published by a newspaper. haha.
posted by
FactorFiction
on October 21, 2005 at 7:28 PM
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Quirky,
Personally, I think it's better that I don't know the end to my own story. I would hate to be clairvoyant or prescient or have the "gift" of prophecy. I don't want to know, but I do know that there is strength in love, everything else is illusion. I cling to that.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 21, 2005 at 5:37 PM
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Quirky,
30 years is a long time to keep re-hashing a story. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
posted by
word.smith
on October 21, 2005 at 5:33 PM
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Blanche--
I think I am more in the "middle" of the story but I think the ending will be good and I hold onto that hope!
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 5:30 PM
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Quirky,
I have found that to be true, although every story is different, by this age, the story of my past has become more history, more bearable, as though it really did have a beginning, middle and end, and everything will turn out right.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 21, 2005 at 5:22 PM
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Blanche--
yes, the writing is always cathartic, and if my words can possibly enlighten others, all the better!
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 5:16 PM
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Jomei--
Most people never do think of them, which was the point I really wanted to make, maybe someone will stop to pray for them when they are reading about such things.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 5:15 PM
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Quirky,
I hope that your pain is alleviated by the re-telling and putting it into a narrative, almost as though it happened to someone else (as if that were possible), but also that the telling has a purpose, to enlighten, to educate, to heal. I hope that for myself, too.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 21, 2005 at 5:04 PM
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its funny, our human tendency toward 'guilt by association'
I just realized when reading your last paragraph that it doesn't often occur to meto think about the immediate relations of a criminal. May peace come to you quirky, courageous one
posted by
Jomei
on October 21, 2005 at 5:02 PM
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aria4--
My mother has actually been fortunate to have a great many people who truly forgive and do not hold her accountable...without that, I can't imagine what would become of her. But still, she struggles daily, and I...am powerless to help her.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 4:52 PM
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Queen--
thanks--I never thought that instead of wondering "who I was" and not knowing, to think about who I was NOT...that sort of changes the perspective doesn't it? Interesting...thank you!
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 4:50 PM
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Quirky-chin up! show the world that people make mistake and we need to forgive and move on with our lives. Holding a grudge is not going to help the situation. Offering prayers for both sides will help. We cry, we mourn, and we forgive. Life goes on.
posted by
Aria4
on October 21, 2005 at 4:43 PM
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QUIRK
Many if not most of us do NOT know who we are.....but we are aware of who we are NOT. You gotta a lot of love here friend......soak it in..............take your time....................and we'll always be right here for you.
posted by
ALWAYSALOVER
on October 21, 2005 at 4:42 PM
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Queen--
Sometimes I don't even know "who I am" or what life I am supposed to live. But somehow I manage to survive. I appreciate your words, they have given me much to think about. Thanks.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 4:24 PM
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ginnieb--
no, just my posts on Blogit so far. I'm still trying to figure out the "how"--but I hope to one day!
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 4:19 PM
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Maggie--
When the time is right, it will happen. Thank YOU for visiting ME!
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 4:18 PM
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jojostar--
It's something that is always on my mind, how best to go about publishing something like this...I just haven't figured it out yet.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 4:18 PM
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QUIRK
Well there are many points to your post. Sad but true that mothers and other family members of those who have murdered are thought of as evil. I don't, never have for I am a mother and though I can only teach my children what I believe to be right and wrong.....sometimes things go terribly wrong. Your scabs my dear are tattoos............at least this is what I call them, for they never actually heal. Sweetheart I may not know much in the area you discuss....but what I do know as a woman of age is: Your life is yours....others will want you to be your brother, live his pain, their pain, make you suffer for his wrongs.....but you have a different name..........a different purpose..................don't let people with good intentions and bad ideas sway you from your mission here on earth. Remember
who you are and what
your name is. I'm with you little one.
posted by
ALWAYSALOVER
on October 21, 2005 at 4:17 PM
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ariel70--
yes, words can be futile but with sincerity behind them, they can go far...thank you for your comment.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 4:17 PM
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Have you ever written about this Quirky?
I mean as an article to a magazine or somewhere? People need to know.
posted by
ginnieb
on October 21, 2005 at 4:01 PM
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Quirky I can only reiterate what the other comments say.......
Get your story out there for all to see and understand. It can only help all!
Thanks for stopping by and reading me.
posted by
MaggieMae
on October 21, 2005 at 3:54 PM
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Quirky
It is so interesting to hear your side of the story My friends and I were so captivated with the whole BTK case when it was going on. Most of us were to young to remember when he was haunting our town but when he resurfaced we were scared. Once he was caught though we did talk a lot about his family. What they must be going through. His kids, God, I just can't imagine! Yes, if you published this story, I bet you would help a lot of people.
posted by
jojostar
on October 21, 2005 at 2:09 PM
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Quirky
What a sad world we live in, don't we? When two girls who had been murdered by a sex offender in Britain were being buried, people went on picnics to the churchyard and the village.
How disgusting can people get ; and how deeply can their piggish thoughtlessness degrade others?
I don't really know what to say to you that might help you ; words are so futile, aren't they?
posted by
ariel70
on October 21, 2005 at 2:00 PM
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Quirks... I really can only imagine how you feel...
Your story is so unique that to link it with my "same idea at the same time" post just struck me so impossible that I got silly with it. Just my personality, I guess?
As I mentioned in your last post, I do think your story would sell quite easily, at the very least to your local newspapers. My small town has also printed the "other side" to the story at times. It helps add perspective.
posted by
-blackcat
on October 21, 2005 at 1:37 PM
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avant--
I'm 100% certain not a day goes by that she doesn't ask herself, what could I have done differently, why didn't I see that he was so troubled, how could I have helped him...and a million other questions.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 1:32 PM
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Cat--
I don't mind you trying to be lighthearted, my aim is not to depress people or make them pity me, I just want people to understand. I do hope to be on the front page some day in a more positive light.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 1:30 PM
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shadow--
I appreciate your prayers, and I know my mother does too even though she doesn't know about them.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 1:29 PM
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Ariala--
thanks.
It's not exactly the light fare that most people prefer to read, but I do think it's important to tell "the other side" and hopefully some will stop to think about what it must be like.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2005 at 1:28 PM
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quirky
My heart goes out to your family. I can only guess that your mom has gone over and over her parenting. 'What did I do to create this?' I can imagine what she goes through. You remember Danny Rolling? He killed all those girls at Florida State in the '90's? He lived in Shreveport. His dad was a retired police officer. They showed the newsman going to his door after the story broke. He was visibly upset. I always felt for them.
posted by
avant-garde
on October 21, 2005 at 1:15 PM
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Quirks... see, imagine if I wrote about this today? (I know... not funny?)
You know I kid you, friend. I hope that some day you get your side of the story on the front page.
posted by
-blackcat
on October 21, 2005 at 1:13 PM
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Quirky,
Since I've known you I've sent you and your mom's sorrow, the prayers and love come everyday. It must really be a small town you lived in because even the more nastier murders in Lebanon don't get told that much. About breaks my heart you have to keep reliving this nightmare. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on October 21, 2005 at 1:05 PM
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Very well done, Quirky...I think it's a story that needs to be told so
people can see how it is for the lives of the family.
This takes courage to write. You're doing a great job with it, and I'm sure it's not easy to do.
posted by
Ariala
on October 21, 2005 at 12:48 PM
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