Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
- Add a comment
- Go to Does "no comment" from a blogger mean they don't care?
Quirky-Just dropping by to say hello. Hello Quirky
posted by
Aria4
on September 29, 2005 at 10:26 AM
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Comments
are our lifeblood, on Blogit and anywhere else. Without them there is just space. Maybe those who don't comment are just a waste of space?
posted by
malcolm
on September 29, 2005 at 9:15 AM
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Expectations get us in trouble with people every time.
I'm guilty of it, too, we all are in some way I'm sure. People are going to disappoint you if you expect them to behave in a certain way -- especially when you expect that they only care if they do X. I don't often comment simply because I read very slowly and to keep up I just try to check in on who I can and that often doesn't leave time for comments. I read you, but I usually take a lot of time for comments -- I like to be thoughtful, and I don't feel comfortable with leaving only icons, so I don't leave anything. You can't demand a protocol by which people support you, Quirk. It will only drive them away and make them feel like nothing is enough. I only say this because I've done this myself. Be happy that there is support in whatever form it comes.
posted by
Temple
on September 29, 2005 at 3:04 AM
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Quirky,
I've known you for a long time now and have even "done things" personally for you, which I am happy to do and will continue to do if you need me to. I've never asked for anything in return. That's how I see
my personal life in progress. Recently, I have had a really bad physical injury that has limited my life in many aspects. I have tried to read and comment as much as possible but I literally can't sit at my computer for more than 15-20 minute intervalls...if that. My point is that regardless of what reasons or motives readers have for not commenting, maybe they just either don't know what to say or don't feel comfortable even leaving a "
" just so you know they read the post. It's not that the thoughts and sympathy doesn't exist. Personally, I've written a few posts in the past couple days (emphasis on a "few" due to my recent injury) and though I haven't tracked every click I've received (due to lack of my time being able to sit up on my computer) I haven't weighed the ratio of comments vs. clicks. I didn't before my injury either. No offense of course, but that's not why I've remained a member for the time I have. I
know people care and I know who they are whether or not they always leave me a comment on a "serious" or "personally painful" post of mine or my more light-hearted, humorous posts. Regardless, even though I have been humbly honored to remain in the top ranks for some time, (I wouldn't know now due to lack of time as I stated) I posted a couple of humorous and more serious things recently that I have not received a single comment from you. Should
I be hurt or offended?
posted by
SpitFire70
on September 29, 2005 at 2:33 AM
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quirky--
You've helped me recognize again, a point of view I've let slip away. Maybe it's those several requests for "gifts" I get every day in the mail, most of them from worthwhile organizations doing work I support. Or maybe it started much longer ago. Hemlocker
posted by
Hemlocker
on September 28, 2005 at 10:34 PM
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Sometimes, I'll click on someone, and then get distracted and leave before actually reading the post. In these cases I may click on someone a couple of times, before I actually read them. When I do read, I usually comment. I guess my ADD affects my blogging, but I can't explain why some people don't comment. I really wish they'd all comment, even if it was to say something bad about my work. If they did maybe, it would help me improve.
posted by
Vanidad
on September 28, 2005 at 10:15 PM
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I am always puzzled why more people don't comment
posted by
poetjpb
on September 28, 2005 at 6:42 PM
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Quirky, I am sorry, I am guilty as charged, I have found that reading is more pleasure than writing, I am not in the correct frame of mind to write these days so I read and sometimes I just pop in and out to see who else has commented on posts. Sometimes I do this several times. I may comment once but I usually never comment more than that. But it is me that has partially created this misunderstanding, I am sorry.
posted by
Jillians.New-Beginning
on September 28, 2005 at 4:32 PM
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I haven't been around.
If you thought it was me, I am sorry. This week was tough. I helped Kristy throw a birthday party for our daughters. I am behind in work. Too much stress. I am ready to find a remote island and jet away.
posted by
Flumpystalls3000
on September 28, 2005 at 3:30 PM
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Could be anything
Could be they didn't know what to say; or were pressed for time, or thought you had said it all. BTW, thanks for your comments.
Rhiannon1
posted by
Rhiannon1
on September 28, 2005 at 11:53 AM
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"Maybe you can help me understand why someone might read a post like that one of mine, and not comment? "
Quirky-girl
people are basically self absorbed and self obsessed, and in way too big a hurry. Sometimes they just don't realize someone is hurting and how much an "i care" could ease the hurt. we frequently go thru our days pretty unconscious to others sorrow.
posted by
MysticGmekeepr
on September 28, 2005 at 11:25 AM
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Tapsel--
to say "everyone" is not true--because I can't see everything that is posted...but if I read it, then yes they will know they have my sympathy and support.
posted by
Julia.
on September 28, 2005 at 10:49 AM
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Quirky, everyone is different. Everyone reacts differently and has different expectations. I can remember when you asked a similar type question after you had been gone for a week or so and felt like you had not been missed by your friends. Instead of focusing on the 150, I would be very thankful and appreciative of the 50 or so expressions of love and sympathy that were received. There are bloggers here who practically never get any, no matter how much they bare the soul. No, everyone will not react the way that you would. Some will never react at all. The higher one sets their expectations, the more hurt they feel when those expectations are not met. I am glad that you would never ignore someone who is hurt. At least everyone here will be able to depend on your sympathy and support.
posted by
TAPS.
on September 28, 2005 at 10:38 AM
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Quirk
just stopped in for a *hug*
posted by
cosy
on September 28, 2005 at 10:26 AM
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Quirky-I do appreciate your honesty. We all have expectations and when they are not met we feel disappointed. Please dont feel that way. I am guilty of reading post and leave an icon if I dont have anything to say. Symbols mean a lot to me. Some posts I dont know what to say so I leave an icon. Please forgive. This is my way of supporting people even in symbols.
posted by
Aria4
on September 28, 2005 at 9:59 AM
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posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 28, 2005 at 9:09 AM
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sometimes...
the blogger in question might just do a quick reading of your post and goes away...that also happened to me...of course, i prefer to leave a comment when i visit a place...
posted by
Marshallengraved
on September 28, 2005 at 8:41 AM
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QuirkyAlone, I have answered this question before ....
posted by
Azur
on September 28, 2005 at 2:33 AM
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There are times I just don't know what to say...
posted by
Ca88andra
on September 28, 2005 at 1:03 AM
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Quirkyalone,
Sometimes, I read a post and although I care, I just don't know what to say. I do believe I did comment on your recent post in regards to the tape and I truly felt sad for you. Never would I not comment, because I don't care, it is just sometimes, it is difficult to express exactly how I feel because I wouldn't want to make someone feel worse. Do you understand? I would never intentionally try to hurt anyone's feelings.
Have a good night Quirky and thanks for visiting my pet blog. At this moment there is a different cat sleeping sweetly on the hard piano. ha-ha. This time it is Paws, not Baby. Somehow these cats are such a comfort....
posted by
jacentaOld
on September 27, 2005 at 8:48 PM
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Quirky - I read a lot, but some posts aren't worth
commenting on, and some I truly have nothing to add.
posted by
fwmystic
on September 27, 2005 at 7:56 PM
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Quirky,
I guess that would be a yes...I try to make return visits as much as I can. If I didn't leave a comment to a heartfelt blog the first time around, I read again and try to put words to what I feel.. That way the writer knows that I actually visited. We all have different styles, and I am one of those who does not often leave . I prefer to actually say something to let the writer know I've been. I'm weird, I know. 
posted by
word.smith
on September 27, 2005 at 7:29 PM
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When it is awkward to comment, I sneak away.
B.
posted by
A-and-B
on September 27, 2005 at 7:02 PM
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PS
and for the record, I agree a lot with what A_Norseman said...about not feeling like I will be helpful by commenting, and seeing that so many other people have already said what I could say...and we are all different in how we want our difficult times to be treated by others. Thank you for letting us know how you feel and I will remember it in the future.
God bless!
posted by
Cunningham_Smith07
on September 27, 2005 at 6:51 PM
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wow, that many clicks on one post?
oops I got sidetracked. I meant to just leave this....
posted by
FactorFiction
on September 27, 2005 at 6:47 PM
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Quirky,
Personally, I think that people showed that they cared just by taking the time to read your post. If I didn't care about what someone had to say, or what they were going through, I wouldn't stop by and read them.
Comments do make the connection more tangible, though; I agree. Not too many people leave actual comments on my blog, even when a good number read. At least I know someone's reading, but it is always nice to know who is looking out for you and just what they are thinking when they read what you have written.
posted by
Cunningham_Smith07
on September 27, 2005 at 6:47 PM
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Quirky
I would urge you to not see anything sinister or uncaring about getting more clicks than comments. It's difficult to put a finger on why it happens. It could boil down to something as simple as moods. Or it could be that someone has read your post but wanted to go away and think it over. They could have clicked away intending to come back later only to find that you had now returned. I think a more telling gauge for you to go by is simply that people continue to read you. If your readership suddenly plunged by 50% after writing that post,
then I would say something was wrong. You're popular here and people do care about you.
posted by
Lensman
on September 27, 2005 at 6:37 PM
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I know how you feel Quirky...as Mark Twain said, I could live for three months on one good comment. I consider it good blogger etiquette to try and leave some kind of comment...why go to the trouble of reading a post at all if you're not going to respond? Thanks for demonstrating blogging manners by example and always leaving me such encouraging words. Hope I've done the same!
posted by
Tandra
on September 27, 2005 at 6:15 PM
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Dear Quirky,
I am with Norseman in that I was very concerned, but didn't feel like I had anything of value to write that would be of help. Flustered, I just wrote that I didn't know what to say, and that I hoped you were feeling better (which I do!)
I'd rather admit my shortcomings in the realm of advice by just saying hello and that I'm thinking of you, rather than trying to come up with some lame "advice" that is of no help or consequence. Having said that, please know that your posts mean a great deal to me, and make me take stock. I just don't want to leave a glib comment if I don't know what to write in response to your very thoughtful, sensitive, and often "right-on-the -mark" posts. You are a talented writer who makes me thnk. Sometimes what you bring to the fore is so profound that I can't respond in kind. So, I just let you know I read it and appreciate it. I really do.
posted by
Georgia
on September 27, 2005 at 5:43 PM
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Quirky..
Forgive the typos.. I was not trying to upset you furthur!!
posted by
BrightIrish
on September 27, 2005 at 5:21 PM
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Quirky....
It is hard for some people to comment on certian topics.. If they read a post where someone is depreesed and very down, they may feel the same way at that time and not want to say something to add to anothers depression. Sometimes posts can catch you so off gaurd and you are speechless. I think it would be a great idea if bloggers would all accept a rose or other icon without questioning the other persons motive in their minds. I've been guilty of doing this and I will try and correct it because I now know that some of us get offended. I once checked my list and a blogger had fourty clicks from me and I believe all I said was ' Good Post' I couldn't come up with anything better.
posted by
BrightIrish
on September 27, 2005 at 5:19 PM
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Quirky
I'm with Lisa. Sometimes its either already been said or I simply don't know what to say.
posted by
DebbieDowner
on September 27, 2005 at 5:06 PM
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Darn good question
Quirky, I think that most of the time, most folks who care do comment. Some things that factor into "no comment" have been already mentioned - extra clicks getting back & forth, not knowing what to say, feeling like what they have to say has ALREADY been said, and so on. For me, I agree with you - if I don't get comments, I feel like folks don't care. I'd much rather get the rose emoticon than nothing (besides, rose is my favorite flower). I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but when in a depressed mood...well, I gotta drag myself to a better mood before I can cut someone some slack. Hope this helps.
posted by
ravencat18
on September 27, 2005 at 4:11 PM
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I do believe I commented (gosh, I hope!). However, I know that sometimes
I am at such a loss as to what to say--do I console? do I try to humor? do I try to help?--that I feel my words might be taken as condascending. Just me, I guess. That's why I'm really into the whole, "wow" thing now...Says it all in one word, I think.
posted by
Renigade
on September 27, 2005 at 3:34 PM
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Quirky...
Speaking for myself, I do a lot more reading on blogit than commenting. I used to comment on every post I read partly in the hopes that I would be read more and partly just to be polite. Lately however, with my increasing time restraints I am not able to post often and don't have the luxury of leaving comments to everyone, I have been kind of invisible. So, my rules for commenting of late are that I do not comment unless I think I have something of consequence to say. Will my comment help the person in some way? Do I have a fresh perspective that will edify the author as well as others who may read it? If not then I move on...it doesn't mean I don't care, it simply means that I don't have anything to say that has not already been said.
Take this post for example, you asked a specific question and I have the ability to answer it with a perspective that is my own, hopefully shedding light on your dilema. Therefore I was compelled to comment on this post.
I did read your other post and it left me deeply concerned for you. I considered commenting but didn't know what I could say that did not sound canned or contrived regardless of how genuine my intention. I have had virtually no experience dealing with the problem you described so I could offer no advice. I cared though, and said a silent prayer wishing you well. In retrospect, I should have let you know that. I'm sorry. I know now to always at least do that in the future...at least with you.
We aren't all alike though, For example when I am suffering I prefer to do it alone, it's just the way I am. So it isn't really natural for me to assume that someone else might not like it that way. We are constantly learning...all of us. I am very sorry the lack of comments left you feeling uncared for. I do very much hope you are feeling better.
posted by
A_Norseman
on September 27, 2005 at 3:14 PM
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So true, I know I'm guilty at times...
Usually the only time I don't leave a comment is if I have nothing to add, it's already been repeatedly said, or if a crisis comes up and I need more time to think about it...I then will return to comment as soon as possible. I know at times it gets to me if I see a lot of clicks and few responses as I'm my own worst critic, so I think I really blew something.
Thanks for sharing, as I'm sure we've all felt that way from time to time.
posted by
LifeByLisa
on September 27, 2005 at 2:36 PM
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quirky
what is important is that you do have people who care for you. if those who didn't left comments, how would you know who is sincere?
posted by
avant-garde
on September 27, 2005 at 1:56 PM
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I know what you mean...
but you and I have discussed this before. We have similar views on blogging etiquette, but not everyone shares those views. If I'm reading someone who is going through a really tough time, but who I also don't know very well, it sometimes feels as if it's not my place to comment, although I've never known and place and normally do anyway. I can see why some remain silent, but it is hard and I think they don't understand how just saying "I was here and heard what you had to say" can really help you feel supported and understood.
posted by
UsualSuspect
on September 27, 2005 at 12:05 PM
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That's happened to me many times...I can only assume the person
didn't know what to say or didn't want to comment...either way, what choice do we have but to scratch our heads and say, "hmmmm."
posted by
Ariala
on September 27, 2005 at 11:48 AM
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Quirky...I'm sorta following with Blackcat30 in regard to not always
knowing what to say; therefore not leaving a comment. However, how would you feel is someone read you, LOYALLY, say 44 times this month, but didn't always leave a comment? What if they read the comments already posted and didn't know what else to say, because everything they could fathom saying was spoken?
I like that you said even leaving one of these: is appreciated, because at least you know someone was there. I'm glad you said that. It's good to know.
posted by
Masky
on September 27, 2005 at 11:47 AM
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btw... I find that I always receive about a fourth of the comments on my
heartfelt posts than I do my stupid or lighthearted ones. Maybe people just don't like being brought down? I don't know... but it does make you feel like crap. It makes me avoid getting too serious on here. It can feel like a slap. so... I have to say... all in all... I think you had a great turnout on such an upsetting post. (if that makes any sense at all. LOL)
posted by
-blackcat
on September 27, 2005 at 11:42 AM
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yes... I'd leave a comment, but not everyone is like me (like you said in
your post). Maybe they weren't around? I know I miss alot of posts (not yours, just in general), but it's never intentional. Maybe they didn't know what to say?
But to answer your actual question... yes, sometimes I feel the same need to reevaluate who I think my friends are.... just try not to be too hard on first offenders. Sometimes life gets in the way. If you're speaking about someone specific... which I think you are... then maybe you should ask them about it? (I hope it's not me? LOL)
posted by
-blackcat
on September 27, 2005 at 11:39 AM
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Quirky
I am like you, when I write a heartfelt post I am puzzled (however not usually hurt) that people would read but have no response.
as for myself I have been away and am still catching up with my favourites so not only didn't I comment but I haven't even read it yet!
posted by
MerryAnne
on September 27, 2005 at 11:36 AM
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Quirk
I totally I understand...if it weren't for a few of you that actually say something...I wouldn't be here...I'd feel exactly that, no one care's! So I'll take the time to say thank you to those few and constant friends I have...here...and YOU are one of them
posted by
cosy
on September 27, 2005 at 11:33 AM
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Quirkster
I know that in the past I haven't commented on some of your more emotional blogs. That is because I was in a bad place myself and just couldn't find the words. I was also aware that if I wrote something it'd bring my own fragile emotions to the forefront of my mind, causing me to cry or freak out or whatever.
I'm sorry I was so selfish. I did think good thoughts for you during those times and did say prayers for you too. I hope you know that I do care for you--even when I am too weak to say so.
posted by
Jemmie211
on September 27, 2005 at 11:32 AM
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cat--
okay, cut it in half then...that's still 75!!! Plus, here's a question for ya--if you thought of someone as your friend--is there any way you wouldn't leave a comment to a post like that one of mine?? Maybe I just need to reevaluate who I think are my friends?
posted by
Julia.
on September 27, 2005 at 11:30 AM
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Quirks... most of the time I click twice... I click to the comment page and
then go back to reread something. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Plus you were gone a few days, so some may have clicked again to read your comments. I think the actual number of no comments is much lower.
posted by
-blackcat
on September 27, 2005 at 11:24 AM
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cat--
I know not all of the 150 represents unique readers (as Blogit calls them)--but there were enough "extras" to make me wonder why so many people stayed silent.
posted by
Julia.
on September 27, 2005 at 11:11 AM
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word.smith--
when you say you "get clicked" do you mean that the person who you read without commenting, read and commented your post, so you then feel obligated to go back and say something??
posted by
Julia.
on September 27, 2005 at 11:09 AM
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Quirks... I didn't read all the comments here, so don't know if this was
said yet... but many people click back and forth on a post to reread it. The number of clicks never represents the actual number of unique readers. I'm sure a few didn't comment... maybe because they didn't know you well enough? Or maybe everything had already been said? I don't know... I know I commented. But I also know that I sometimes reclick a post to get to the comment area.... so that click count doesn't always "count." You know?
posted by
-blackcat
on September 27, 2005 at 11:05 AM
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Quirky,
Sometimes it seems as if everything possible has been said. Sometimes I'm left speechless by the emotion in a post....Thing is though, if I get clicked, I then have to go back, read again and come up with a comment, no matter how hard.
posted by
word.smith
on September 27, 2005 at 11:04 AM
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shadow--
IMHO, anything someone says from their heart can never be the "wrong thing." Maybe I'm just weird (okay don't answer that!) but that's how I feel.
posted by
Julia.
on September 27, 2005 at 11:04 AM
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Rame--
thanks for commenting. It's odd really, because I'm the type that would rather receive a rose emoticon rather than total silence--am I the only one??
posted by
Julia.
on September 27, 2005 at 10:59 AM
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Quirky,
I think there are those who feel they will say the wrong thing and so say nothing at all. Then there are others who would rather not get involved in the subject matter itself because it makes them too uncomfortable to think about. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on September 27, 2005 at 10:57 AM
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Quirky,
Maybe they didn't know what else to say that would be appropriate and felt that just saying "I'm sorry, hope you are better soon" sounded too overdone and that you deserved more. Maybe some didn't care, but I would be willing to bet that most did care and just didn't have the words to express their feelings upon reading your posts.
posted by
RAME
on September 27, 2005 at 10:55 AM
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Gubby--really??
wow--that surprises me.
posted by
Julia.
on September 27, 2005 at 10:52 AM
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Toker--
I'm sure that it would be appreciated--well, no, actually I can't speak for others but I know it would be appreciated by me.
posted by
Julia.
on September 27, 2005 at 10:51 AM
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I guess we're not all that good at opening out our hearts..
posted by
Gubby
on September 27, 2005 at 10:43 AM
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Quirks,
Sometimes I just don't know what to say. I will remember this post in the future though, and perhaps when I'm at a loss for words use your example and say "I'm sorry" .
posted by
Jaxson-Pete
on September 27, 2005 at 10:35 AM
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Masky--
In that case, for me it would depend on how close I was to them--there are people I've gotten to know quite well in my 16 months here, so I might say, catch you later, or something. But that short post is really an entirely different situation than the post I spoke of.
posted by
Julia.
on September 27, 2005 at 10:34 AM
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just kidding quirk...I agree with leaving a comment out of sincerity.
But sometimes I don't leave a comment cuz' I land on something that makes no sense to me. Here's a far fetched example.
"Just checking in. My life sucks today. I have not time to write. Ba-bye"
Do I click and comment: "Uh, okay" or do I just move on and pretend I wasn't there. Any suggestions?
posted by
Masky
on September 27, 2005 at 10:27 AM
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Quirky...no comment.
posted by
Masky
on September 27, 2005 at 10:25 AM
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Offbeat--
thanks...That makes sense...But when you get back to it, isn't the page still there?
posted by
Julia.
on September 27, 2005 at 10:20 AM
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MW--
But see, I just don't think it's possible to say the wrong thing f you comment with sincerity and concern for the person.
posted by
Julia.
on September 27, 2005 at 10:15 AM
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Quirky
Sometimes I read and then something else like the phone rings and then I forget what I was in going to say. So therefore, one of them could have easily been me, if so, I am very sorry!!
posted by
Offy
on September 27, 2005 at 10:11 AM
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Quirky
Saying hte wrong this is EXACTLY my concern. I am always concerned that I might make matters worse or sound as if I am taking the situation lightly.
posted by
Bel_
on September 27, 2005 at 10:09 AM
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MW--
I guess I don't understand the concept of "lack of appropriate words"--I mean, if someone is hurting, is anything you say ever going to be wrong??
posted by
Julia.
on September 27, 2005 at 10:07 AM
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Quirky
I know at least with myself there are times, that I will read something and go back later to comment. Somedays it's for lack of time and others lack of appropriate words.
posted by
Bel_
on September 27, 2005 at 10:06 AM
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