Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
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- Go to Inch by inch, I am clawing my way out of the pitch-black pit
quirky--
Depression, unfortunately, can control a life, but it doesn't have to. I've lived with it all my life also, and just when I feel that something good might be happening in a creative life, I lose it again. Drugs help keep it out of the life-threatening range, but they certainly are not a cure. You have many tragic events and experiences in your life that would exacerbate it. I wrote a post a couple of days ago that you might check out. It's not uplifting but does attempt to make a little sense out ofthis affliction. Hemlocker
posted by
Hemlocker
on September 26, 2005 at 5:34 PM
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I guess we all have our moments...but I can't imagine feeling 'dark' all the time. I'm glad you are slowly working through this and you're right about the attitude. A positive attitude does wonders in a negative situation. Keep your head up and don't look back! Take care...
posted by
cling
on September 26, 2005 at 2:29 PM
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Good post - I can relate
I've been doing a lot of questioning my purpose, which is similar to what you're going through right now. I came close to death myself this past January (I went into respiratory failure and had to be put on a respirator during New Year's weekend), so I have some concept of what death might be like. As a result of my experience, I'm even more afraid of death than I used to be, and I used to be scared of death (which is why I signed up for a transplant in the first place twenty-six years ago).
posted by
kidnykid
on September 26, 2005 at 9:56 AM
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quirky
that was so viseral that i feel the weight. Perhaps if you can visualize me carrying just a little of it for you today, it will weigh just slightly less on you.
posted by
MysticGmekeepr
on September 26, 2005 at 9:54 AM
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Believing is only the first step on the way up and out.
But it is the all important first step. Don't ever give up!
posted by
strat
on September 26, 2005 at 8:53 AM
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Much Love & Light Sent To You
Quirky - the good side is that you ARE coming out of the black pit of despair. While we are in the physical, we've all experienced the overwhelming darkness of fear that incapacitates us. Long have I dwelt there...sometimes contemplating nothing, sometimes contemplating how there is so much to think about, I don't know where to start. The main thing is that there are people who care about you. You matter. You have value.
No matter how much darkness there is, one small candle will light up the darkness. Keep hold of the light. Should you need, or want...I am always here for you. All you have to do is ask, and it's yours. 
posted by
ravencat18
on September 26, 2005 at 7:02 AM
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Quirk
Please...please read my post today in my journal!!!!!! We love you....and please read my other post in Opinions...God only knows why I wrote them today...maybe they were for you.
posted by
cosy
on September 25, 2005 at 6:16 PM
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Quirky-where are you? Please come back
posted by
Aria4
on September 25, 2005 at 2:05 PM
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Quirkyalone, Thinking of you. Wishing you a quick exit from the darkness of depression. We are all rooting for you and want to see you back on top and in the light.
posted by
TAPS.
on September 25, 2005 at 11:13 AM
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Quirky
I am thinking about you and hope you feel better soon!
posted by
Georgia
on September 25, 2005 at 7:58 AM
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Deeply Insightful and honest
Evening, Quirk:
Read your post and found myself really thinking about the paradox you have so poignantly expressed here:
". . .the task of "being human." Months (and sometimes years) of emotional disconnection are interspersed with tiny bits of joy. . ."
What I especially like about this writing is how well you conveyed that sense of angst that we experience so much of in our lives, but without ever understanding why. In our joy that we experience as humans, we feel happy, complete and connected to our present reality, but when things come crashing down, we find ourselves in that "dark pit" where we either choose to remain, or choose to climb out. Hope is what gives us the courage to begin taking those steps toward the light. Thanks for giving me a few moments to reflect on your words.
Scot
posted by
dog1net
on September 24, 2005 at 6:31 PM
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>8-D CARROTS, LETTUCE AND FLOWERS for QUIRKY!!!
BRIGHT, beautiful flowers, that bob their heads as the breeze blows gently!! Quirky, thanks so much for sharing your misery! That may sound silly, but I really mean that!! That surely is one way of coping with it! There is no need to bear it all alone!! I really do understand the depth of the misery you speak of, the gloom the fear, the 'dark pit' . I've not been as brave as you in sharing about it though. As close as I have come is the poem I posted, Go to could i just cry a while?
I LABORED long over that one and it is like a PIECE of ME! Then when I did get the nerve to post it, well, I can't describe it thats all.
Blessings, peace and comfort to you Q
posted by
wiserabbit
on September 24, 2005 at 12:50 PM
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Quirk
My daughter and I call it 'the well ' for it seems we are skipping along through life, through our days, and wham-O we fall in a well and every time the well gets deeper and there is no ladder in sight. I have learned because I am older, not wiser though, that the well will eventually filter in some light, foot holds will appear slowly and within a few days I am able to brush myself off and walk away from the well. Its a waiting game, not the end of the world as I used to think. I'm glad your back and welcome tot he world again.
posted by
ALWAYSALOVER
on September 24, 2005 at 8:44 AM
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You think that happiness is a choice and a way of thought? I agree with you, but maybe it's not quite that simple. Why are you depressed? This might sound a stupid question, but if you sat down and tried to answer it, even if you think you already know, things might become clearer. If you told someone, or even wrote a blog about it, it might help clear it up for you.
Depression is like a bog, once you get into it you start to sink and as you go deeper and deeper it is harder and harder to get out of it. Break the pattern. Stop looking down, look up. Be with people. Go for a walk. Listen to some beautiful music, preferably some that you have never heard before. Overall, make a change - because if you do nothing, the only way is down.
posted by
Gubby
on September 24, 2005 at 7:18 AM
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quirky
sending you love and light.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 24, 2005 at 4:07 AM
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quirky
You know how to reach me, if you feel the need. I know about those dark places and they can be very dangerous. Please know that I care and am here if you need anything at all.
posted by
Bel_
on September 23, 2005 at 7:32 PM
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Welcome back into the light or at least to blogit. I don't know what it is that pulls us into that pit but I think we have all been there...I know I have. Wonder if I could fill it in?
posted by
Whacky
on September 23, 2005 at 7:27 PM
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Glad to see you...and that you emerged from the dark hole.
posted by
Ariala
on September 23, 2005 at 6:51 PM
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Quirky
I've done my time in the pit, too, but your visits there sound nasty. Sometimes I find that the best way for me to get out of a depression is to just "blast" my way out. Even though I only feel like lying with my head under a pillow, I find that forcing myself to do some physically draining like a five-day kayak trip or hiking into the mountains here with my tent on my back, etc., often does the trick. In other words, a complete change of pace, getting away from the source, so to speak. Easy for me to throw your money around, but something totally different like an ocean cruise..... Hey!
posted by
Lensman
on September 23, 2005 at 6:49 PM
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Hi Quirky......Life can throw us some huge curves at times......
And yet you handled this piece with raw emotion and a great choice of words....There are times I fall into a pitch-black pit. Are you sure I wasn't in the same pit you were in? haha...It was so dark, I couldn't see ya....I hear your cries and trust me, we wouldn't be human if we didn't get stuck in that black pit every once in a while.
posted by
MedusaNextDoor
on September 23, 2005 at 5:19 PM
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So good to see you back Quirky
posted by
Katray2
on September 23, 2005 at 5:09 PM
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***HUGS***
posted by
Jemmie211
on September 23, 2005 at 5:06 PM
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Quirky
I am so sorry this has happened to you. I really hope you get back to being Quirky real soon. In the meantime know there are a lot of people praying for you!!
posted by
Offy
on September 23, 2005 at 3:42 PM
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Quirky,
You already know I'm there for you. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on September 23, 2005 at 3:38 PM
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P.S. As incongruous as it may sound right now,
that was highly expressive writing - so good as to make me recognize the same thing happens and has happened to me as long as I've known myself. When these times life, I give thanks that I have a relationship with an understanding God.
posted by
word.smith
on September 23, 2005 at 3:24 PM
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Quirky,
Unfortunately, many of us can relate to these bouts of joy and despair, giving me pause to think that life can be a lot like a roller-coaster. Depending on our beliefs, we all have to find ways to battle our demons when they raise their ugly heads.
posted by
word.smith
on September 23, 2005 at 3:21 PM
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Quirky....
Its good to see you back again!
posted by
BrightIrish
on September 23, 2005 at 3:01 PM
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Good for you, Quirky! Hold on to that light!
posted by
Nickie-Fleming
on September 23, 2005 at 2:25 PM
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Welcome Back!!!!!!!!!!
I can feel your pain, been there done it a million times. I'm glad to hear the clouds are lifting...hold on to that sliver of light. Think about all that there is to be grateful for...Glad to see ya back.
posted by
LifeByLisa
on September 23, 2005 at 2:10 PM
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posted by
Samantha39
on September 23, 2005 at 2:03 PM
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Quirky
I certainly did. Cat got us a bit worried this morning ( Spain time of course )
So glad you're back.
posted by
ariel70
on September 23, 2005 at 1:54 PM
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hey Quirks... I posted looking for you this morning.. and here you are!
Glad you got out of the dark hole again... we missed you!
posted by
-blackcat
on September 23, 2005 at 1:49 PM
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