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A-Norse, thank you so much for your kind words.
There are many people who think they are "just dogs" but you're right, they are so much more. Brittany has been the most loyal, protective, loving dog I've ever had and I know I'll get through this eventually, but for right now, my heart is breaking.
posted by
SpitFire70
on October 23, 2004 at 12:16 AM
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Thanks again, HolyG. We're trying to hang in there.
posted by
SpitFire70
on October 23, 2004 at 12:13 AM
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Spitfire,
I know exactly what you mean. When the inevitbale comes for Adrienne I hope I am able to function at all. I would lay it down for her in a second. I know some people don't understand that, they think they are just dogs. But she is so much more than a dog to me. I wish I could share some of your pain....if there is anything I can do...
ALF
posted by
A_Norseman
on October 22, 2004 at 8:14 PM
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SpitFire70
Knowing it's the right thing to do, of course, doesn't make doing it any easier. Take care, all of you.
posted by
Holy_Grail
on October 22, 2004 at 5:11 PM
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A-Norseman, thank you.
That is very kind of you, and yes, I too believe their spirit never really leaves us. I'm sure I'll sense her around me. It's just the hardest thing to do, but I refuse to allow her to suffer. I just have to keep telling myself that I can't be selfish and keep her with me just cause I don't want to let her go and leave my life. I still can't imagine life without her by my side. I'd actually shed a few years off my own life and give them to her if I could.
posted by
SpitFire70
on October 22, 2004 at 5:09 PM
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I do know that, HolyG. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's
the right thing to do and the best thing for her. I just hope she understands. I hope she isn't scared. I have to try not to cry before she's actually unconscious cause I want her to leave being held and loved and not with sadness surrounding her.
posted by
SpitFire70
on October 22, 2004 at 5:05 PM
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I too have a love...
her name is Adrienne...I can't even imagine what you are going through, well actually I can, but I don't like to. I have lost a couple of dear canine freinds. What helps me is my belief that their spirits never really leave you, they long to be free of the pain of their physical prison. We will pray for you and her...
posted by
A_Norseman
on October 22, 2004 at 12:40 PM
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SpitFire70
I feel for you
so right now. I know your heart has to be breaking watching what's happening to her, but at least you know in your heart that the last gift you give her will be the most precious of all.
posted by
Holy_Grail
on October 22, 2004 at 12:24 PM
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Thanks Kay-Ren. I'm trying!
posted by
SpitFire70
on October 21, 2004 at 11:22 PM
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Wow, canine277, thank you for sharing that.
I am so sorry for your loss, but I am glad you can look at it the way you do now. I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you, with her risking her life for you everyday. Britt was always very protective of me and only gave a serious warning to one man (my neighbor for getting too close to me when we were talking by the mailbox) and once to my own husband (now my ex) toward the end of our marriage and we were fighting pretty bad. The only time she actually went for one's jugular was when my ex-boyfriend had an out-of-town friend staying the night and she just didn't trust him for some reason. He hopped off of a bar stool and went toward me to put his arm around me to "show her it's okay and that we were friends"....DUMB thing to do! Luckily, I was able to grab her mid-leap before she latched onto his neck. I have never seen her do anything like that in my life! Anyway, this is getting way too long, so please read what I responded to Quirky. I won't let her suffer...ever. Thank you again for your comments. I truly appreciate you sharing that with me.
posted by
SpitFire70
on October 21, 2004 at 11:20 PM
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Quirky, thanks for your comments and prayers. Being someone that
sees situations such as this many times at work, I can honestly say that she's not quite there yet. She's not suffering or in pain. Yes, I know she's hanging on for me, but if you could see her, you'd see that she still follows me around the house, still eats like crazy, still gets happy moments, and still goes outside to go potty. She even barks now and then if she hears a strange noise outside. I know and appreciate what you're saying, and I also know since her lymph nodes in her neck continue to grow that eventually, (very soon) it will be hard for her to breathe or swallow. I will not let her live like that. But for now, as for the remaining next days, yes, it is worth it to keep her here with us. She's still Brittany, still responsive, still shows me affection, and as long as she is comfortable and not in pain, I will cherish every second I have left with her.
posted by
SpitFire70
on October 21, 2004 at 11:04 PM
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Hang in there.
posted by
Kay-Ren
on October 21, 2004 at 10:08 PM
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Spifire, I know what you are going through
And take it from me, you WILL do the right thing. You care too much to do otherwise. I must say this and please don't take it the wrong way, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the day I put my Christa down was the happiest day that she had had in a LONG time. She too was ravaged by cancer, and I probably let it go on too long because I couldn't bear to let her go. She had saved my life three times in the line of duty and I felt that I owed it to her to save hers. Finally others stepped in and convinced me that it was time. I owe them all. My baby suffers no more. Trust yourself. You'll know.
posted by
canine277
on October 21, 2004 at 8:16 PM
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You are hurting and nothing will make that go away, but right now you're only prolonging the inevitable and making it more difficult to face what will need to be done. Is it really worth these extra few days, as you watch her go further and further downhill, what does that do to both of your spirits? She feels your pain and is holding on for you, but I really think you must be strong for her and allow her to pass before she gets really bad and you have to see things you wish you didn't. My prayers are with you and God Bless Brittany.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2004 at 5:31 PM
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I hear ya, Pecan. Thanks for your words. I love you too.
The only thing is that I don't think she'll pass away at home cause her will is so strong that she'll fight it- by that time, she will already be suffering and I will end it before that happens.
posted by
SpitFire70
on October 21, 2004 at 4:26 PM
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Thank you Sypmh, I appreciate that very much!!
posted by
SpitFire70
on October 21, 2004 at 4:23 PM
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Thanks Jems, and yeah, I did have the talk with her again last night.
I already talked to her and Stonci together when we first found out. Stonci knows and she's been very gentle around Britt ever since. I won't let Britt suffer; she's not there yet. I still have a feeling we will do it next Saturday after I close up the hospital.
posted by
SpitFire70
on October 21, 2004 at 4:22 PM
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Okay SpitFire....
It's time for you and Brittany to have a little heart to heart and soul to soul talk. I think Jemmie is right. She is holding on to continue protecting you. It's your turn to be her protector. It will be hard to do. Goddess, knows that I know that. I love you. Talk to her. Truly listen. She'll tell you what she wants. Maybe she wants to pass at home at night, next to you. She'll tell you.
posted by
CatLadyintheAttic
on October 21, 2004 at 8:52 AM
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I hope you are ok...and I am sure you will make the right choice
I can only imagine how difficult it is for you....I am also here for you...everything that I agree
posted by
_Symphony_
on October 21, 2004 at 5:43 AM
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Have you told her that she can let go? I mean told her this and meant it? I have a feeling she's clinging to life for your sake. She doesn't want you to hurt.
I know you'll hurt, and you know you'll hurt, but you need to tell her you'll be okay and that you hurt even more to see her suffering.
Easy for me to say--I'm not in your situation. I know that if I were, I couldn't let go. Hell, I couldn't even get myself to put down a damn dove I had met only once (the second of the three that Squeaky-Brat caught). I knew it was the right thing to do, but I couldn't find it in myself to hurt an animal (even knowing it was already hurting).
Also, you, Britt, and Chonci need to all have a "talk." Maybe even bring M in. Have everyone express their feelings and really listen to each other. You'll know what to do.
And I will always be here for you. I love you, my sweet sister.
posted by
Jemmie211
on October 21, 2004 at 1:38 AM
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